If a guy tells you that you are "too much," it may feel hurtful and like a criticism of your personality. However, it is important to remember that this statement is not a compliment and should not be taken as such. Instead, it is a sign that this person may not be the right fit for you. It is not healthy or fair for anyone to expect you to change who you are in order to be with them. It is important to surround yourself with people who appreciate and value all of your quirks and qualities, rather than trying to change yourself to fit someone else's expectations.
1. Calling someone "too much" is gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that involves someone questioning your sanity or reality to gain control over you. One way that this can be done is by telling you that you are "too emotional," "too sensitive," or "too dramatic." These comments are often used to make you feel like your perspective or emotions are not valid, while the manipulator's perspective is trustworthy. It is important to be aware of this tactic and to distance yourself from anyone who uses it. Remember that your emotions and thoughts are valid and that it is not healthy or acceptable for someone to try to undermine your sense of reality.
2. He's emotionally unavailable
If a guy tells you that you are "too much," it may feel like a criticism of your personality. However, it is important to remember that this statement is often a projection of the other person's own shortcomings. Many people who criticize others for being "too emotional" or "too expressive" do so because they themselves struggle with expressing their own emotions. They may feel uncomfortable around someone who is authentic and genuine, and may try to invalidate their emotions in order to feel more in control. When you are told that you are "too much," try to remember that this is more a reflection of the other person's own issues and insecurities, rather than a valid critique of who you are as a person.
3. He'll never give you what you need
If your partner tells you that your needs are too demanding or unrealistic, it can be a way of dismissing or invalidating your feelings. Remember that your needs are valid, but it's important to find a partner who is able and willing to meet them. If your partner is unable or unwilling to fulfill your needs, it may be a sign that they are not the right person for you.
4. You have different relationship expectations
It's important to find a relationship where you feel comfortable being your true self, expressing your needs and feelings openly, and being honest with your partner. If your partner dismisses you as "too much" or suggests that your needs are unrealistic, it could indicate a fundamental incompatibility between you. It's essential to find a partner who values and appreciates your authenticity and complexity. Don't settle for a relationship where you feel like you have to suppress or downplay your true self.
5. He can't handle strong women
It's not uncommon for women to be labeled as "too much," but this often stems from societal gender norms and expectations. When a man tells you that you are "too much," he may be expressing his discomfort with your strength, boldness, or assertiveness. These are all valuable qualities that a compatible partner will appreciate, rather than seeing as intimidating. Don't let someone else's narrow-minded view of what a woman should be prevent you from being your authentic self.
6. He wants you to settle
Your needs are valid and deserve to be recognized and met. If your partner tells you that you are "too much," it could be a way of shifting the responsibility onto you and making you feel like you need to change to stay with them. A partner who is truly compatible with you will value and appreciate your unique personality, rather than try to shame you or make you feel like you are too much. Don't let someone who is not enough for you make you feel like you are the one who needs to change.
7. Don't play small
It's natural to feel ashamed or self-conscious when someone makes you feel like you are "too much," but it's important to remember that your intensity and authenticity are qualities to be proud of. Don't let someone else's discomfort or limitations cause you to shrink or silence yourself. It's not worth sacrificing your true self for anyone, and you deserve a relationship where you can be fully yourself and be supported in your growth. Don't settle for less.
8. Stop giving to the wrong people
Your unique and authentic qualities, including the traits that some may label as "too much," are a gift. However, not everyone will be able to appreciate and handle these traits. That's okay. Use this as an opportunity to distance yourself from people who are not compatible with you and focus on finding someone who can appreciate and support all that you have to offer. Don't waste your time and energy on someone who is unable or unwilling to appreciate you for who you are.
9. Reframe being "too much"
Hearing that you are "too much" can be hurtful and may make you feel rejected or ashamed. It's important to remember that these words are not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Instead of internalizing these criticisms, try reframing them as positive traits. For example, "needy" can be reframed as having healthy needs, "loud" can be reframed as being brave and confident, "opinionated" can be reframed as being passionate and insightful, and "emotional" can be reframed as being in touch with your feelings and able to express them openly. Remember that your unique qualities are what make you special and valuable, and don't let anyone else's negative perception of them bring you down.