As a woman with a curvaceous figure who's in a relationship with a tall and slim man, I've had to confront the unease that sometimes arises from being physically larger than my partner. I recognized that my preoccupation with our contrasting sizes was interfering with my ability to fully embrace my partner's love, so I made it a priority to address the issue. Here's what I did to attain a sense of ease and contentment with outweighing my boyfriend.
1. There's no "right" ratio of body size in a relationship
Women are frequently instructed that occupying too much space, especially physically, is unappealing or problematic. If a man is in a relationship with a woman who weighs more than him, it's frequently presented as a joke (à la Shallow Hal) or as something he should be humiliated or apologetic about (à la any "I slept with a fat chick" punchline in any buddy comedy movie). Yet, this demeaning stereotype is entirely unfounded. If there's genuine love between us, our body sizes should be irrelevant.
2. If I compare my body to his, I'll never be satisfied
My significant other has a naturally tall and slender build, while I have a broad, curvy lower body with wide hips. At times, I feel envious of his toned soccer-player legs and chiseled abs, especially when I gain weight during my period or after indulging in vacation foods without him being affected. This can cause me to feel inferior, with my soft belly and full thighs. However, the truth is that estrogen and testosterone influence the human body differently, leading to dissimilar weight distribution and retention or loss. Insecurity about outweighing him is pointless since our bodies are innately different and always will be.
3. He loves my body because of its size and shape, not in spite of it
My partner expressed one of the most affectionate things about my physique by saying that he doesn't love my body despite its curves, but rather he loves it because of its curves. I decided to adopt this perspective and started affirming it to myself in the mirror whenever I experienced a negative body moment, and it has had a significant positive impact! Although I firmly believe in recognizing one's own self-worth and not relying on others to define it, this mindset has assisted me in overcoming my apprehensions about our physical differences.
4. the number on the scale doesn't mean anything anyway
Although it may sound cliché, it's crucial to reiterate that the figure displayed on the scale merely represents the numerical force of gravity on our bodies. It fails to account for essential factors such as muscle mass and overall physical well-being, but more significantly, it has no bearing on our worth as individuals, the abundance of love we deserve, or our desirability to our partner.
5. It doesn't impact our sex life
There exists a societal misconception that bodies of different sizes, be it thick or thin, are incapable of engaging in exciting, adventurous, and passionate sex. This is far from reality. The fact that my body is more substantial than my partner's has no bearing on the quality of our sex life, except when my insecurities hinder my confidence and ability to be at ease in my own skin.
6. Our bodies fit well together
Beyond enjoying fantastic sex, our bodies collaborate remarkably well in other ways, such as my preferred activity: snuggling. When we drift off to sleep intertwined, our bodies blend harmoniously, and as stated earlier, that's due to my plush, curvaceous, and adored physique, not despite it. Physical closeness encompasses far more than sex, and it's the uniqueness of our bodies that makes our physical bond so enchanting.
7. Confidence about my body is the biggest turn-on - for both of us
When I feel self-assured about my body, it boosts my confidence in the bedroom. I'm unafraid of exploring new experiences, indulging in pleasure, and unleashing my inner sex goddess. When I'm at ease and content with my body as it is, it drives him wild, and this, in turn, exhilarates me. When I discard my worries about my weight exceeding his, both of us benefit greatly.
8. I shouldn't feel like I need to make myself smaller to receive love
I remind myself of this when I feel the urge to lose weight or make my body smaller because I'm insecure about our size difference. Focusing too much on our body size difference and allowing it to hinder my ability to receive love from my partner is akin to repeatedly telling myself "I am unworthy of love because of my body." However, my partner has never expressed such a sentiment, so why should I persist in fixating on a notion that is unkind, damaging, and untrue?
9. Bodies change all the time
Even his body goes through changes! Throughout our lives, our bodies naturally change, especially women's bodies which undergo significant transformations during sexual and reproductive development. If I can't cultivate a sense of comfort and confidence with my body size at present, how will I manage the inevitable changes in the future, such as pregnancy, menopause, or gaining weight as I fulfill my lifelong dream of retiring on the Amalfi Coast and indulging in pasta for every meal?
10. If I feel happy and healthy, that's all that matters
The most crucial reason why it's completely fine for me to weigh more than my partner is that I feel content, healthy, and flourishing, and that's what ultimately counts. It's futile to dwell on how others perceive our size difference or subscribe to harmful stereotypes about the acceptable amount of difference between us. The key to receiving love from someone else is to begin with loving ourselves first.