Published in May 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
I suppose I should thank you for treating me as badly as you did. You taught me many important things through all the pain that you have caused me. I deserve to be loved and treated with respect, and by you showing me the opposite, you taught me I deserve better than you. I deserve a man who is attentive, who will listen to me, and see beyond all of my flaws.
I deserve someone who will listen to my pains, and wipe my tears away— Not be the cause of my tears.
All of those times you cheated on me; Constantly making me believe that I was the one who was not good enough for you. When in fact it was you who was not worthy of my love. You left me for the woman you cheated on me with. I thank you for that because it saved my life, by showing me that in fact, you were not the one I wanted to spend my life with. Thank you for not loving me. Thank you for leaving, and for forcing me to learn to love myself. Remember when you picked on how I laughed? I love my laugh now, and I thank you for that. I love myself the way that you never could; the way that you refused to love me.
My entire existence you seemed to always criticize. From my laugh to my stretch marks, to my weird, silly sense of humor— there was always a flaw you never failed to mention to me. Now because you left me broken, I’ve learned to love and appreciate every aspect of me. I am perfectly imperfect.
You left me in a moment when I needed you the most, and I want to thank you for that. It taught me to fight for myself. To love and take care of myself, by myself.
Thank you for showing me what a toxic relationship looks like. Thank you for breaking me into tiny bits, and forcing me to pick up the pieces and glue them back together on my own — causing me to learn to love and appreciate every single piece.
You are the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, yet you taught me the best lesson I could ever learn. To love me first, so that I know what type of love I am willing to accept from a man.
For so long I ignored everything you did to me. I hid the toxicity that is you from everyone in the world. Painting you to be such a fantastic person, just because I was ashamed to be with someone so horrible for so long. I am no longer ashamed of you, I loved you with all that I could, and trusted you to give me the same in return, and you chose not to. The only thing that I’m ashamed of is the fact it took me so long to understand self-love.