I Used To Chase Guys Until I Realized Some Important Things

The common belief is that women should play hard to get in order to attract a desirable partner, but I have never subscribed to that notion. In fact, I used to actively pursue men, even if they were unsuitable or uninterested in me. While I have since learned from my mistakes, my past behavior taught me valuable lessons about love and myself.

1. Chasing never feels as good as being chased

While pursuing a guy may be considered empowering, I personally found it more enjoyable when I was the one being pursued. Perhaps it's just my old-fashioned nature, but chasing someone doesn't feel natural to me. It feels like I'm trying to be someone I'm not. That being said, if I'm interested in a guy and he reciprocates, I will show my interest. However, if he doesn't, I know how to back off.

2. There's not supposed to be a chase at all

Having chased after guys before, I came to the realization that a relationship shouldn't involve a chase in either direction. If I'm the only one putting in effort, then something is off. Chasing after someone may feel like a workout, but in reality, I'm just running after an unattainable ideal and exhausting myself in the process. Similarly, a guy shouldn't have to chase after me. If we both have feelings for each other, there's no need for unnecessary games or obstacles.

3. It makes the playing field uneven

Once I made it clear that I was interested in a guy, I often noticed a strange dynamic shift. Suddenly, I found myself at a disadvantage because he knew too much about my feelings and could potentially use them against me. Alternatively, he might lose interest because I appeared too easy and desperate. Of course, this doesn't mean I should resort to playing hard-to-get, but I also shouldn't be so readily available that I come across as desperate.

4. The chase never ends once you start it

Whenever I found myself in a situation where I had to chase a guy, it seemed like I was always chasing him, even after we entered into a relationship. This was because the very act of chasing someone indicated that they were never interested in the first place. If they had been interested, they would have reciprocated my advances and eliminated the need for me to chase after them.

5. Chasing makes it convenient for lazy loser

Chasing after any guy always resulted in tears, but it was especially devastating when I pursued guys who turned out to be players or jerks. It took me a while to realize that my chasing behavior made it too easy for them to have me at their disposal without putting in any effort. This dynamic is incredibly messed up.

6. Chasing creates an illusion

There's a common belief that chasing after someone is sexy and empowering for strong women who want to take control of their relationships. However, when I was the one doing the chasing, I didn't feel glamorous or in control at all. In fact, I felt quite the opposite. I didn't feel strong or sexy, but rather desperate and regretful, wishing I hadn't sent that last text or made that last move.

7. Chasing hides his real intentions… for a while

Initially, chasing after a guy felt thrilling, but eventually, I came to the realization that he would have to make a genuine effort at some point. Even if we were in a relationship, he would have to step up and contribute more. I couldn't continue to chase him forever. In retrospect, I wished I hadn't chased him in the first place because it only served as a distraction from seeing his true intentions and character.

8. Chasing made me hold on longer than I should have

I found that I was more emotionally invested in relationships where I had been the one doing the chasing. It was almost like valuing items I had purchased with my own money. As a result, I would often wait longer than I should have for a guy to commit and make things official, which was completely unfair and a waste of my time.

9. Chasing becomes addictive

There were instances where I realized that I wasn't truly interested in the guys I was pursuing. Instead, I was addicted to the thrill of the chase, the feeling of conquering a challenge by winning over the guy. It was an awkward realization, made worse by the fact that the rush was temporary. Once I had "won" the guy, I realized that he wasn't as amazing as I had initially thought, because I had been so focused on the chase itself rather than the potential for a real relationship.

10. Chasing changed how I make the first move

Following my experience of chasing guys, I made a personal decision to never initiate the first move again because it left me feeling desperate, clingy, and foolish. However, I've come to realize that there's nothing inherently wrong with making the first move; it's the prolonged chasing that leads to negative outcomes. Now, if nothing progresses after my initial advance, I leave the situation for the sake of my own well-being.

11. I hate guys who play hard to get

I find playing hard to get games extremely distasteful, regardless of whether it's a man or woman playing them. It's frustrating when a guy can't just be honest about his intentions from the start. It feels like he's keeping his options open and that's just not cool. I don't want to chase after anyone anymore because I want to be someone's priority, not just another option.