While some individuals are born with an innate ability to flirt, others, like myself, may find it more difficult. But there's no need to worry if you fall into the latter group. Here are some actions I have taken to improve my lackluster flirting skills.
1. I Started Dressing For Myself
There is a lot of so-called "advice" floating around about how women should dress in order to appeal to potential partners. This not only comes across as patronizing and misogynistic, but it's also entirely untrue. What do people really find attractive? A fierce and independent woman who does whatever she pleases. If you want to exude confidence, wear whatever makes you feel like a queen, whether that's sweatpants or head-to-toe fishnets. As long as you feel your most radiant and empowered self, others will be drawn to you like a magnet.
2. I Took The Initiative
It's incredibly attractive to take the lead when it comes to flirting, regardless of whether your interest lies in a man or a woman. Doing so not only displays your confidence, even if you're feeling jittery inside, but it also communicates that you are clear on what you desire, and that's a highly infectious trait.
3. I Just Stopped Caring
One of the typical errors in flirting is placing too much emphasis on the end result. Human interaction, in any form, is inherently chaotic and uncertain, and evaluating your self-worth based on whether you can successfully communicate all of your fantastic qualities in a single uncomfortable conversation with someone is a recipe for failure. The moment you stop fixating on the outcome, the more effective your flirting will become.
4. I Stopped Pretending To Be "cool"
It's true that certain individuals naturally radiate with charm and composure, but unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. However, being socially awkward or shy doesn't necessarily put you at a disadvantage in the flirting game. In fact, many people find these traits endearing and will appreciate your willingness to take risks. Faking a confident and composed persona is never convincing if it doesn't align with your true nature.
5. I Got Over Myself
The bulk of my nervousness surrounding flirting boiled down to the fact that I was overthinking and magnifying its significance. In reality, flirting is one of the most casual and uncomplicated forms of romantic interaction, and it should be approached as such. It should be lighthearted, uncomplicated, and effortless. If you find yourself becoming overly anxious, the key is to get out of your head and dive right in.
6. I Got Better At Shutting Down Guys I Didn't Want To Talk To
It's a universal truth that certain individuals (typically men, let's be honest) push the boundaries of assertiveness to an excessive degree. In the past, I felt obligated to engage with such people solely to be polite, and it impacted my entire perspective on flirting. But when I finally came to the realization that it's perfectly acceptable to say "no thanks" when approached by such individuals, and that there are plenty of others who are not nearly as pushy, I discovered that flirting can be incredibly enjoyable.
7. I Became Totally Comfortable With Being Single
Embracing singlehood and being content with it is simpler said than done, but the advantages extend beyond mere clichés. When you're not self-conscious or despondent about being unattached, flirting becomes an enjoyable social pursuit that holds no real significance. It doesn't determine your worth, and it's certainly not a measure of success if you don't end up with the person by the end of the night.
8. I Gave Up On Witty Banter
If you've ever watched a romantic comedy, you're familiar with the fast-paced back-and-forth of flirtatious banter, often coupled with eye contact so charged with chemistry that you can practically feel it in your ovaries. However, as I previously mentioned, some of us just aren't "smooth" in social situations, and that shouldn't be a reason to cower in a corner or anxiously await the first opportunity to make an escape. If you're not skilled at witty repartee, skip it. Simply be your adorable, awkward self, and it will be ten times more appealing than anything Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone could pull off.
9. I Stopped Playing Mental Tricks On Myself
With a competitive nature like mine, I tend to tackle uncomfortable situations by framing them as games. If I start feeling overly anxious about approaching an attractive guy, for instance, I imagine that I'm walking into a contest that I'm determined to come out on top of. This technique provides me with such a significant boost of confidence that I'm able to engage in conversation with the person before I even have the chance to register any nervousness.
10. I Stopped Trying To Be Liked
My apprehension towards flirting was primarily driven by the fear of not living up to the other person's expectations. It wasn't until I understood that the purpose of flirting is to gauge the level of chemistry between two people, rather than to prove why I am worthy of their affection, that I became more at ease with it. As long as you have confidence in yourself, others will appreciate you too. Moreover, it's essential to ensure that you also like the other person. It's a mutual thing.
