I Used To Be A Female 'Player' — Here's What I Learned

When we hear the word "player," a specific image comes to mind. However, this image can change as we get older, such as adding a leather jacket and motorbike in our thirties. I decided to challenge this stereotype by going out on the town for a few months, and learned a few things in the process.

1. Everyone is still judging each other

In 2021, judgment and criticism from others can come from all directions, including exes, friends, and even relatives. It can be disappointing and frustrating, but it's important to remember that it can happen whether you're celibate or sexually active. Ultimately, it's important to do what makes you happy and be with who you want.

2. Clubbing is more fun without the pressure to date

Sometimes it's fun to let loose and dance without worrying about finding a romantic partner or having to take care of friends. Being the responsible friend is important but it's not always fun. Going to a club where no one knows you can be liberating. I will no longer be the person who plays hard to get, and you will see why.

3. You can be whoever you want

It is important to prioritize your safety and communication with friends, but you should also feel free to express your sexuality without feeling ashamed or guilty.

4. I got more confident

With more opportunities to practice, one can improve in different aspects of their sexuality like dance moves, pick-up lines, and flirting. It's important to experiment and establish boundaries while feeling comfortable. It's also a good opportunity to discover new desires and possibly even reinvent oneself.

5. The Sex Got Better

When having a new sexual partner, it's easier to assert oneself, communicate desires, try new things, and focus on pleasure without the pressure of a relationship. It also allows for a more relaxed and fun experience without the fear of judgment. Being a player changes the dynamic of sex, it's not a performance and it's a chill and equal experience between partners.

6. I got fitter

I believe the physical activity and lifestyle that came with my dating experiences led to better cardiovascular health. It could be the combination of dancing, partying, and morning walks of shame. Maturity is understanding that in those moments, I was just as out of place as anyone else.

7. I was less stressed

Sex can be a great form of stress relief, but when there are fewer emotional ties, it's easier to avoid any potential complications or duplications. By not viewing sex as something that you owe or must withdraw from another person, it becomes easier to prioritize oneself.

8. The power dynamics changed

When societal expectations such as opening doors, paying for meals, or dressing up are removed, sex becomes more about the physical act itself. Casual relationships can be a way to avoid power dynamics and gendered expectations. However, there is a risk of manipulation or gaslighting. As long as all parties understand the nature of the engagement, casual sex can be consensual. However, society may not yet be ready for this kind of understanding.

9. It cost me nothing extra

The money I saved from not going on romantic trips, I used to buy drinks at bars. What is preventing you from pursuing and potentially being with a desirable partner?