When my boyfriend started sneaking around and being secretive, I took it he was cheating on me. Not to be taken for a fool, I returned the favor and cheated.

But guess what? I was totally wrong about him. He was setting up a proposal, not fooling around with another woman.

Here are reasons I believe I acted as I did.

1. I Couldn’t Have Expected A Proposal

First of all, we had never talked about getting married. How do you move from that obscurity to a proposal? I could not have seen it coming. So, when he seemed distracted and secretive about something outside the relationship, my mind did not think “proposal!”

2. I Like Openness

Emotional detachment is real, and it strains relationships. When you are together, it should not feel like there is a distance between you two, although having your own lives is important. My now ex had that problem, and I always felt there were things about him I didn’t know about.

3. The Quick Loss Of Trust Says Plenty Of Our Relationship

I think you would be interested to know why I would so quickly jump to the wrong conclusion. Trust issues must have been part of the relationship from long before then. Otherwise, I would have given him the benefit of the doubt. In me was insecurity that reached a breaking point when his behavior changed so extensively.

4. He Was Secretive

He began avoiding being on the phone in my presence. He’d hung up fast, and he seemed busy with something that he had no intention of telling me about. I jumped to the worst possible conclusion and just assumed he was cheating.

5. No Trust

Trust can be easily broken, yes. But before most people can act on that feeling of distrust, at least to an extent as serious as infidelity, the trust issue must have been pretty serious and lasting. I was always suspicious of my boyfriend, and his increased sneaking around made things worse.  

6. Hinting That He Wanted To Marry Me Would Have Helped

We live in a brave new world. Just because you are with someone, it does not mean you will end up in marriage. Personally, I think someone who wants such commitment would like your opinion on the matter before getting down on his knee to propose. At the end of the day, a proposal is a formality that seals the agreement to marry.

7. I Felt Betrayed

My boyfriend had never been in the habit of hiding things from me. So, when it happened again, I had negative feelings about his behavior and thought the worst of his fidelity. Rather than confront him about it, I stepped out on him.

8. It Was Probably A Way Out

Let’s be honest. When you care about a relationship, you do all you can to save it. So, the reason I did the complete opposite tells a different story. I felt alone in a relationship and cheating gave me an easy way out of it.

9. Games Have No Place In Healthy Relationships

I understand that I take most of the blame in this. You probably wonder why I did not confront him directly if I was feeling uncomfortable with his behavior. But that is the last thing that comes to mind when you feel someone is playing games on you all the damn time. To start cheating, I had been hurt by this behavior.

10. I’m Yet To Forgive Myself

At the end of the day, what I did says more about me than it does about him. There were countless better ways to handle the situation. I could have walked away without sinking that low. I ended up being a cheater, although he wasn’t.