Published in Aug 2019 / Updated in Oct 2021
I often complain too much over simple issues. Sometimes trivial issues bother me and I tend to blame myself more than I should. Even when I am not the cause of the problem, I'd rather look for ways to blame myself. My last two relationships ended abruptly for this same reason. My last boyfriend felt I devoted too much time hating myself. He complained I did not love myself enough and wasn't capable of showing love.
While this is a cause to worry about, I wouldn't want a man to constantly remind me of my weaknesses. I know somehow this has started to affect my relationship with my neighbors. They tend to avoid me because I will often extend my self-hate to them. They get a fair share of my annoyance.
I'm not looking for the perfect relationship, which doesn't exist by the way. All I need is a man who can handle my level of crazy. A man with that deep sense of love that will understand my weaknesses. This doesn't mean I love when men try to push me into doing their own bidding. I hate being pushed around so I concentrate on doing my thing.
I have decided to put more effort into loving myself. The following four steps have helped me improve on my self-love.
I have decided to let go of my worries and accept the woman I am
I no longer need to force myself to be who I'm not. I have decided to let go of my expectations and accept more of who I am. All those expectations constitute a burden in my heart and kill my mood. I feel much better these days when I don't expect so much of myself.
Certainly, I need to improve in my self-care techniques
I know I'm pretty bad at this but I'm trying so hard to improve on it. I want to focus more on the things that make me feel good. I get a massage weekly, eat lots of fruits, and enjoy the candlelit night. Nourishing my soul has become one of my core goals lately.
I worry a lot – I need to enjoy my breaks more often
The day is already filled with a lot of ups and downs. The least I can do is not add more to my stress by skipping my breaks. I've noticed that taking a few minutes to relax helps me ease off. I am most likely to snarl when I get tense so I try as much as I can not to.
Doing something for others helps me stay happy
I've figured out that the best way to stay happy is by making others happy. When I show love to others I feel loved myself. Knowing that I can be of use to someone is a pat on my back and makes me feel good. If I can love and care for them, why can't I love myself?