When someone first called me the "Hitch of the cheating world," I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a compliment or an insult. I've been having an affair behind my wife's back for a decade, and so far, I've managed to keep it a secret thanks to my carefulness and a bit of luck. Cheating is an art, but it's also incredibly stressful. Despite what movies and magazines may suggest, there's nothing glamorous about it. I'm often portrayed as a suave businessman and a loveable hero, but the reality is that finding women to cheat with, having affairs, and then dealing with their aftermath can take a toll on one's well-being. So, why do I blog about my infidelity and teach others how to cheat without getting caught?
1. I know I'm broken
I'm aware that cheating is morally unacceptable, and if I ever get caught, it would devastate my family. However, the thrill and excitement of being desired by attractive women without any obligations can be an addictive rush. It's like the satisfaction you get from indulging in a guilty pleasure or after an intense workout session. The release of dopamine is indescribable. As someone who enjoys taking risks and craves attention, cheating is the perfect cocktail for me.
2. It gives me a bit of a release
As the saying goes, "loose lips sink ships." I'm aware that very few people can be trusted with the fact that I cheat. Just imagine if I confide in a close friend, who then tells their spouse in confidence, and the news spreads through a game of telephone until it eventually reaches my own wife. It's not worth the risk, and I'd rather keep my secret safe than risk it getting out.
3. People seem interested in my experiences
When I started my blog, I had just ended a tumultuous relationship with my previous affair partner (AP), which is the contemporary term used for such relationships. The word "mistress" is now rarely used, perhaps because there is no male equivalent, while "side chick" seems vulgar and does not acknowledge the relationship's value. "Girlfriend" also feels juvenile. During a flight from Switzerland, I had the idea of sharing all my stories, pitfalls, and advice about cheating on a blog. It seemed like the perfect outlet to air my dirty laundry. I hired a digital agency to set up my blog, which I named the Cheater's Handbook, and began writing. At first, I didn't expect anyone to read my blog, and I thought journaling about my affairs would be therapeutic. However, soon after publishing my second post, a national newspaper approached me for an interview. I was surprised. Another national newspaper followed, and my readership began to grow. I received a flood of messages from men praising my blog with high-five emojis, and my visitor count skyrocketed.
4. I do get hate mail, but the response is overwhelmingly positive
Although I receive some hateful messages, men continue to express their gratitude because my blog shares valuable knowledge from my personal experience without glorifying cheating. The blog's goal is not just to encourage cheating but also to provide tips on how to avoid getting caught. I discuss a range of topics, from preparing for affairs to the best dating sites to find partners to managing feelings of love for affair partners and dealing with breakups. The blog covers everything in between.
5. Despite everything, I don't consider myself a cheater
I have a philosophy that resembles the "tree in the woods conundrum," which you may be familiar with. The question is: if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? I've applied this to cheating and pondered if someone who cheats but never gets caught can be considered a cheater. Personally, I cheat, but I don't see myself as a "cheater." It's a distinct mindset.
6. Cheating makes many men better partners
Based on my personal experience, cheating has made me a better husband, and many men who have contacted me after reading my blog have expressed the same sentiment. Consider this: trying to attract women while being honest about being married is a difficult task. You're not exactly a desirable catch, particularly when competing against younger, single men. So what does it take? Well, it starts with maintaining a good physique, dressing nicely, using your imagination, and being charming. All of these things benefit our wives as well. Additionally, since I have an outlet in my affair partners, I am more present around my wife and children when I am at home (especially when I keep my burner phone at work). Some men choose to have a boys' night out, smoke, or use drugs. I cheat.
7. I don't expect everyone to agree with what I do
If you're still reading, you're likely experiencing a range of emotions. If you've been cheated on, I may come across as the devil. But if you've cheated or are curious about it, I might be seen as an inspiration. The fact is, with 60 million users, Ashley Madison, the world's oldest dating site for affairs, shows that cheating is prevalent. While I won't encourage or discourage anyone to cheat, I acknowledge that it happens a lot.
4. I'm open about the fact that I know it's wrong
I understand that cheating can be stressful, especially if you develop feelings for your affair partner, and breakups can be soul-destroying. However, I believe it's important for those who do cheat to understand the risks and how to avoid getting caught. If done correctly and with the right person, cheating can be a magical experience that brings butterflies and feelings of love that are hard to describe. It's difficult for me to apologize for that.
