After our breakup, I made a vow to myself that we wouldn't succumb to the stereotypical pattern of ex-lovers who continue to engage in sexual activities. However, things have taken a turn for the worse as I find myself engaging in sexting with my ex. Although I know it's a terrible idea, it's far too effortless to fall into this trap. What's wrong with me?
1. Trying to stay "friends" is never a good idea
The idea of remaining friends after a breakup seems nice in theory, but it seldom works out. Transitioning from a romantic relationship to a platonic one is not simple, and one of you is likely to become more emotionally involved, resulting in a rapid deterioration of things. I speak from experience. It's crucial to have a buffer period of at least a few weeks before attempting to be friends, and we failed to do that, which was a significant error.
2. Just because it's easy doesn't mean it's a good idea
Honestly, without texting, we would have lost touch a long time ago. If we were forced to have real conversations on the phone, we would have drifted apart ages ago. Texting is just too convenient to ignore, and before you know it, you've already hit "send" before your mind has the opportunity to caution against it. It's frustrating.
3. It's making it impossible to move on
It feels like we're stuck in a terrible downward spiral. Even though neither of us wants to reconcile, it's difficult to move on after spending so much time together. Adding a half-hearted physical relationship into the mix only complicates things further and clouds our emotions to the point where we can't even discern how we feel at any given moment. This makes it nearly impossible to consider dating someone else or even being contentedly single.
4. We're using each other and it sucks
Being in a friends-with-benefits situation isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when it's with someone you've been incredibly close to, it can be disheartening. Transitioning from gazing into each other's eyes and expressing your love every day to engaging in dirty talk through a screen a few times a week just doesn't feel right.
5. I'd rather have excitement than familiarity, to be honest
Flirting with someone who already knows your preferences can be alluring, but it feels like we're on autopilot because we know the routine so well. If the idea of "autopilot" sounds dull, that's because it is. While familiarity can be comforting, it feels strange and inappropriate when it's with your ex. At this point, I'd much rather have excitement.
6. It reminds me why we aren't together anymore
Engaging in sexting with someone you're already familiar with is comparable to rereading a book whose ending you already know. It's predictable, and you begin to notice plot holes. Although sexting is not the best way to represent a committed relationship, it can serve as a reminder of the things the other person did or didn't do that caused the initial separation.
7. It's retroactively ruining our relationship
After a breakup, you hope that when you look back on things years later, you'll remember the good times fondly. However, since we've started sexting each other, it feels like we're erasing all of those happy memories and replacing them with shallow interactions. Now, whenever I try to recall the good times, all I can think about is how effortless it was to engage in a meaningless virtual sexual arrangement, and it renders the entire pre-breakup relationship irrelevant.
8. It lets me ignore real life
Breakups are meant to represent change both inside and outside the relationship. However, when you continue to text your ex, particularly for sexual reasons, it becomes challenging to live in the real world where you're no longer together. Texting makes it easy for your brain to deceive itself into thinking nothing has changed, when in reality, you're completely single and need to begin making positive changes instead of depending on occasional, unfulfilling texts to distract you.
9. We should've left things the way they were
The breakup was difficult, but eventually, we might have come to appreciate and care for each other again. However, continuing to sext cheapens our past relationship. When emotions are removed, it feels empty. Honestly, regardless of how badly you desire a post-breakup relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, it's usually better to leave things as they were. This way, you can perhaps look back on the relationship with fondness someday. I'm aware of this, but I haven't followed my own advice.
10. Ending a relationship that's already technically over is a logistical nightmare
How do you end a pseudo-relationship that's already over when the actual relationship ended ages ago? Ghosting seems like the easy way out, but it's risky when you have mutual friends. A face-to-face talk is probably the best option, but we're not quite there yet.