Although it may seem unkind, I stayed with a man out of compassion, as I couldn't bear the thought of breaking his heart. Looking back, I now realize that I should have ended things as soon as possible. By sharing my experience, I hope to prevent others from making the same mistake that I did.
1. I Discovered I Was Dating A Person With Addictions
After only two months of dating, my seemingly perfect partner began to disappear for days at a time. Concerned that he was no longer interested, I confronted him. It was then that he revealed his struggle with drug addiction.
2. I Instantly Wanted Out
Having previously dated an addict, I had already given all my time, money, energy, and health to someone who left me drained. I couldn't bear the thought of returning to that vicious cycle of trying to help him, only to make matters worse. Therefore, I planned to end things with my current partner.
3. He Basically Manipulated Me Into Staying
As I prepared to end things with him, I started to second-guess my decision. He was such a cool guy when sober, and he began to depend on me more. He made me feel terrible by saying that I was the only one who gave him a chance and that I was his entire world. I wondered what he would be like if I left him.
4. I Tried To Make It Work
Disregarding my inner voice's warning not to continue my relationship with this man, I persisted in staying with him, even as things took a turn for the worse. In hindsight, I should have heeded my instincts, as prioritizing his needs above my own turned out to be a mistake.
5. His Life Was A Bad Drama
Although he had a job at one point, he lost it and then, in rapid succession, his parents cut him off and his sisters refused to speak with him. It was as if everything that could go wrong did. While everyone else was giving up on him, I felt compelled to stand by him.
6. I Thought I Could Help Him
Despite the fact that he was going through an incredibly difficult time, I couldn't bring myself to abandon him. I felt it was my duty to help him get back on his feet, even if it meant enduring the challenges he was facing.
7. I Was Playing The Martyr
I was aware that I couldn't cure his addiction, but I also knew that leaving him would be devastating to him. I hoped that if I stuck it out with him, he would eventually overcome his addiction and regain his footing. I believed that breaking up with someone when they needed someone was just as cruel as doing it on their birthday.
8. It Screwed Me Over
It was not a good idea, as my best friend pointed out. She assured me that he would figure out a way to survive, just as he had before I came into his life. Although I initially thought she was being unkind, I now realize that I should not have felt responsible for someone who constantly needed assistance, particularly because he frequently required money and relied on me as his standby therapist.
9. It Wasn't Fair On Either Of Us
Despite my good intentions to assist him, it was not appropriate for me to stay with him out of compassion. I did not have romantic feelings for him, and he was likely unaware of this fact. Moreover, it would have been unfair to myself to continue in the situation since I could have been in a happier, healthier place had I ended things and moved on.
10. I Suggested Friendship
After realizing that his darkness was dragging me down, I decided to end our relationship. I explained that I wasn't happy and suggested that we become friends instead. This approach made sense because being his friend allowed me to set better boundaries. It was a relief to step away from the drama and focus on myself. Shortly after our breakup, he moved on to another woman. It was evident that he relied on others to support him and listen to his problems.
11. I Can Only Fix Myself
From this experience, I learned that my ability to change or improve only extends to myself. Even if someone is unwilling to accept help, I cannot force them to change or be responsible for their well-being. In this case, the person struggling with addiction did not want assistance, and it prevented any progress for both of us. However, I have the agency to end relationships that are no longer healthy for me. It's essential not to blame or criticize oneself for doing so. If you are also separating from someone who is toxic, remember not to fault yourself.