There are some things in the world that warrant judgement. Wearing crocs with socks. Library book fines. Slow walkers. Whoever oversees Trump’s twitter account. Murder. In no particular order. 

One thing, however, that does not merit criticism – is my dating habits. Not least, my dating profile or hookup culture that I’m part of. Why? Well, regardless of your personal opinions or held beliefs, my life is none of your business. Absolutely nothing to do with you, unless I make it so or ask your opinion. If I ask your opinion and we’re friends and this is coming from a place of love and in my own interest, fair enough. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut, respectfully. 

So what if I don’t want a ‘relationship’ at the moment?

Haven’t you noticed that the men on the market at the moment are a little ‘ew’? I say that with full acknowledgement that the girls are just the same. I’ve seen all the profiles out there.

It’s the same reason girls my age go for older guys. If they want a relationship, that’s where to go. If you need the appearance of emotional and social security, that’s where to go. 

When we say we like older guys, we aren’t talking about an alien species. It’s just a time jump that brings a little patience and support. We deserve the best. The right guy – who will treat you the way you deserve – is out there for you. There’s no reason you should pressure yourself or push for what you aren’t ready for. Don’t worry about what other people are doing around you – they don’t matter.

Seriously, it’s your life that you need to live – not theirs.

You can’t judge your success on their terms, or constantly be comparing yourself to them, because then you can never win. Or feel satisfied. That will be because you are living your life by other people’s timelines and stressing yourself needlessly over something over which you have little control. Emotions and the heart are liable at any given moment in time to doing whatever the hell they want. Therefore, it stands to reason that we are sort of wasting our time with trying to fit into someone else’s template. 

As soon as you accept that you aren’t in a rush to find your forever relationship in the first guy you come across as teenagers, the better you can assess the situation. I retain to this day that Romeo and Juliet would have never happened if they hadn’t been 13 and 18 and very stupid. I mean, bless them, obviously – but a little common sense and patience for the future goes a long way. 

It’s great. It’s just not for me. Not yet, anyway. 

If relationships aren’t working for you at the moment, think about why. It’s often the age range you’re looking at. There’s nothing wrong with you, either. People are constantly worried about whether they are behind or ahead in the cosmic game of life markers that we are constantly surrounded with in the media. You can’t go three paces without a Facebook engagement announcement or honeymoon insta spree. Sometimes, that’s just not where you’re at. That’s perfectly chill. It’s better that you don’t waste any more of your own time. Or indeed, the guys your own age. 

Maybe, it’s just the offer of something new. You’ll never know until you try it out. Sometimes you need to try something rogue just to know that you don’t like it. Maybe that’s the case for you guys too.

I know I don’t need to explain why my sexual history is not public property. Most of us know better, and yet here I am. But I don’t consider this ‘explaining myself’. It’s just me telling everyone else to leave me alone and make my own decisions. I am an adult. Mostly I am capable of making competent decisions and then facing the consequences if they aren’t up my alley.

Things change, I’m the first to accept that. 

Therefore, if I strike a chord with whoever I meet on the internet, I am perfectly within my right to see where it goes. It’s also just as valid to go into the date with both of us knowing exactly where it will end.

So, if you see me walking home of an evening, either presuming I’m walking my dog to settle your own conscience, or leave me to my own devices. 

Send tweet.