I came to the realization that I had everything I needed only after my relationship had taken a downward turn. I ended up destroying my own happiness and causing my boyfriend to despise me. If only I had been able to save our relationship before it was too late, but instead, I ruined the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me. You can avoid making the same mistakes as me by reading about all the things I did to ruin my relationship.
1. I used sex as a bargaining chip
Using sex as a means of manipulation was one of the most egregious mistakes I made. Instead of engaging in intimacy out of love and attraction, I used it as a bargaining chip to get what I wanted. When I didn't get my way, I withheld physical affection as punishment, which ultimately pushed my partner beyond his limits. I can't even blame him for his reaction.
2. I let myself go
I became complacent because I believed that my partner and I would be together forever. I stopped putting effort into my appearance and attire, thinking that he loved me regardless of how I looked. However, I now understand that maintaining excitement and presenting oneself well is crucial regardless of the length of a relationship. Unfortunately, my partner's attraction to me waned over time, and he eventually ceased to care about my sexual withholding.
3. I let the green-eyed monster get the better of me
My inherent instability coupled with my unchecked jealousy further exacerbated our issues. Despite knowing that he hadn't been unfaithful, I constantly accused him of ogling, conversing, and even fantasizing about other women. Over time, my distrust eroded his faith in our relationship, as trust forms the bedrock of any successful partnership.
4. I constantly pointed out his weaknesses
Nobody desires to feel like a failure, but regrettably, I repeatedly emphasized my partner's weaknesses. Rather than providing him with support and being a pillar to lean on, I consistently belittled him, causing him to feel inadequate and insignificant.
5. I fought dirty
In addition to emphasizing his flaws, I engaged in dirty fighting tactics whenever possible. I struggle to comprehend how I could hurt someone whom I loved dearly. Nevertheless, whenever we quarreled, I would utter some truly awful words that I deeply regret. Despite my numerous apologies, I can never forgive myself for the cruel things I said.
6. I increased the pressure
Instead of allowing our relationship to develop organically, I intensified the pace and heightened the expectations. I was fixated on receiving a proposal, getting married, and having children right away, and even though I knew that pressuring my partner would only lead to calamity, I still felt compelled to list out all the things I believed he needed to do. Looking back, what a terrible mistake it was.
7. I had too many double standards
I believed that I was the one running the show, which led me to create rules that were not always fair in our relationship. For instance, I expected my partner to message me whenever he went out with friends, but I didn't do the same for him. Similarly, I emphasized the importance of spending time with my family, but I made excuses and sulked whenever he wanted me to attend his family's events. The number of times that our relationship felt unequal only contributed to its already dysfunctional nature.
8. I dwelled on the past
Whenever we managed to overcome a difficult period, I would drag us back into the same old cycle by bringing up past issues. I believed that any argument or disagreement we had in the past, no matter how long ago, was fair game for discussion. Rather than letting go and putting an end to our problems, I persisted in bringing up old wounds, leading to a never-ending cycle of arguments. The constant fighting drained us both, and my partner was understandably fed up.
9. I made unfair comparisons
It wasn't that I was still in love with my exes, but I couldn't help comparing my partner to people from my past. I didn't just keep these comparisons in my head either; I would voice them to my partner, making him feel inadequate. For example, if he gave me a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day, I would bring up a time when an ex rented a horse and carriage for me just to make him feel bad. Who would want to live in the shadow of their partner's exes? Certainly not me, but I put my boyfriend through it time and time again.
10. I hated his friends
I didn't make an effort to befriend his friends, which led to a lot of strain in our relationship. While I didn't expect my boyfriend to pick between me and his long-time friends, my negative attitude towards them created unnecessary conflict. My behavior towards his friends caused multiple arguments, and eventually, they were able to turn him against me. Looking back, I can see that they were right about me all along.