I Regret Losing You, But I Don’t Want You In My Life Again
Published in Aug 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
I never thought you could miss someone so much and not want to reunite with them. That you could spend your nights thinking about the happy life you had together, but not want to have them back, not until it happened to me. It’s funny but true.
The three years we spent together were remarkable. It was the best part of my whole life. Then, out of nowhere, things went south. You became indifferent, lied every other day, and betrayed me countless times. You did everything horrible just to annoy me, or were you looking to show me your true self? I can’t tell, but we ended up going separate ways.
It’s been several months now since you left my life, but I must confess that it’s been a struggle to live without you.
I still miss you
It’s surprising that I remember only little bits of the difficult last few months of our relationship. The months when you turned into an entirely different person. My days and nights are full of memories of the good old days; The days we were happy before it changed.
I often shed tears, tears of sadness, and regret. The tears are filling my eyes even now as I write this, but I won’t let myself cry because I know I don’t want to have you back in my life. It’s only that I have this strange feeling that makes me miss you so much.
I can’t help but remember how we used to go out and have fun, only the two of us. How you took me on holidays to places that awed me. How we would cuddle together in perfect bliss during those rainy days. How we used to sit silently in the house, listening to the music that we both loved.
I miss those moments so much. I miss the days I made you angry, and you pretended to sulk at me. How I would laugh at the behavior so much that you had no choice but to join me in the laughter.
How can I stop this feeling? The truth is, I don’t want you back. I miss you, but I want you to stay away from me.
I don’t want you back
Having you back would be like fixing a broken egg. It would all be worthless. You showed me the other side of you, and I’m glad you did.
Do I need to go through the same trials I experienced during the last days of our relationship? Do I want to be lied to again? To be shouted down for complaining? No, I don’t.
That’s why I want to keep my distance. I want to regain my lost self-worth and my crushed personality. Having you back would only make my self-esteem sink further. So please, I don’t want you to become my lover again.
I’m still feeling pain deep inside. The memories of the joy we had together are too vivid to forget. They will linger, but I believe they will fade away with time.
Then I will not miss you anymore. For now, I will have to struggle with losing you, but then I believe someone is going to come along. A person who will not walk out of my life as you did, and then I will be happy, and I will be over you.