I Pushed Him Away But I Really Just Wanted Him To Break Down My Walls

Although I loved him and desired to be with him, I made the decision to distance myself from him. It may not have been my proudest moment, but I'm uncertain if it was a misstep because he didn't put in much effort to stay.

1. I Wanted Him To Break Down The Walls I Built Up

He was fully aware of my past heartbreak and the emotional baggage that came with it. I was still healing and learning to trust again when we entered into our first serious relationship. I expected him to comprehend the difficulty I faced and give me the support I needed. Despite the challenges, I thought his love for me was strong enough to persevere.

2. I Couldn't Believe He Was Willing To Let Me Go

He didn't make any effort to reconcile or persuade me that our relationship had potential. I had hoped he would request an opportunity to strengthen our bond, but his actions made it clear that I was not indispensable. I had believed that I held a special place in his heart, but eventually, I recognized that I was merely one of many girls on a list who held no significance to him.

3. I Was Only Trying To Protect My Heart

I refrained from getting too close to him because I feared getting my heart shattered again. Despite my strong feelings for him, I was hesitant and anxious. I'm sure he noticed the terror in my eyes. I'm uncertain why he didn't trust me and create a secure environment for me to open up to him instead of permitting me to leave.

4. Regardless Of What I Said Or Did, I Loved Him

I hope he could recognize that despite my actions of pushing him away, I never mistreated him. My affection for him was genuine, and I wanted to know if he reciprocated those feelings. I gave him the impression that I could easily walk away, but the truth was I yearned for him to recognize my love for him and challenge me on my bluff.

5. I Guess I Was Trying To Test His Limits

My intention was to test the depth of his love for me by pushing him away and observing if he would persevere. Unfortunately, he failed to meet my expectations, and I was disappointed by how quickly he let me go. I was hoping for him to push back harder, but it never happened. I took a risk, and the consequence was losing everything. If only he had cared about losing me too, things might have turned out differently.

6. I Told Him I Didn't Need Him, But I Did Want Him

I desired to be in a relationship with him while also preserving my independence. I made it a point to remind him that I didn't rely on his love, as I didn't want to lose my sense of self. Unfortunately, I believe I misled him into thinking that not needing him meant not wanting him. He failed to comprehend the distinction, and he never requested that I elaborate.

7. I Didn't Expect Him To Just Move On

Although I was the one to end things, I didn't anticipate him to disregard our relationship entirely. He moved on to the next girl without hesitation, as if our time together meant nothing to him. Despite my desire for him to stay, his behavior after the breakup may have been a blessing in disguise. Perhaps my self-sabotage was beneficial, given the way he acted.

8. I Needed To Know That He Would Stick With Me Through Thick And Thin

Even though I may have pushed him away during difficult times, it doesn't excuse the fact that he abandoned us. He was quick to give up on our relationship, even though I was the cause of the conflict. I longed for him to be a reliable and steadfast partner, but he lacked the resilience to make it through the tough times. To him, my expectations were too high.

9. I Wanted Him To Be Able To See How Bad I Was Hurting

I assumed he understood me enough to perceive that my intention for pushing him away was not due to a lack of love or desire to be with him, but out of fear. I hoped he would comfort me and reassure me that everything would be okay. I craved for him to promise that he would always support me, but instead, he surrendered and departed.

9. I Wanted Him To Fight For Me

I yearned to be a woman worth struggling for. Nevertheless, he didn't show any interest in making an endeavor. He wasn't keen on being in a relationship that required work. He solely desired to be with me if it was effortless. Unfortunately, for me, the simple choice for him was to let me depart. Despite the fact that I nudged us to the brink, I believed that he would rescue us. I certainly pushed him away, but deep down, I longed for him to plead with me to stay.