I Played Hard To Get And It Totally Backfired On Me

I've heard that playing hard to get can be effective in grabbing a guy's attention, but in my case, it completely backfired and I regret ever attempting it.

1. I had a crush on this guy at work

We shared a social circle at work, and frequently had lunch and chatted during breaks. Although there was some innocent flirting, we remained professional. He checked all the boxes; good-looking, ambitious, and shared similar interests, like our love for country music. I believed we were compatible and hoped he would ask me out.


2. People want what they can't have, so playing hard to get must work, right?

In theory, it's logical. We all have celebrity crushes, and they're just regular people with public occupations. However, we find them alluring because they seem unattainable. I believed playing hard to get would make me appear similarly desirable.


3. My friend convinced me it would work

My previous relationships hadn't been successful, so I decided to take a different approach with this guy. A friend suggested that if I acted like I only wanted to be friends, he would inevitably ask me out. She claimed to have used this tactic to secure her own relationship and offered me some guidance. In hindsight, it seems foolish, but it's a common plot in romantic comedies, so I figured it was worth a shot.


4. I wasn't very smooth about it

Fresh out of a previous relationship, I feigned disinterest in pursuing another anytime soon. I claimed I was taking a break from men and looking forward to the single life. At work, I would flirt with other guys in front of him and feign being busy with work to avoid talking with him, even if it wasn't the case. At times, I would outright ignore him. I know, it wasn't the nicest approach.


5. I sort of gave him mixed signals

I would oscillate between being flirtatious with him and then abruptly becoming cold and indifferent, adhering to my supposed "playing hard to get" tactic. I realize now that it was confusing for him. Looking back, he might have assumed that I was immature and uncertain about what I wanted. Perhaps I took the "playing hard to get" approach a bit too far.


6. He never made a move and we eventually drifted apart

Eventually, I switched jobs and our communication fizzled out. He never asked me out, indicating my plan had failed, or perhaps, I just wasn't good at it. I struggled with the art of playing hard to get, but maybe that's for the best. I regret taking my friend's advice because if I had been honest about my feelings from the start, things might have turned out differently.


7. Someone later told me he was interested in me at one point

Months later, during lunch with a former colleague who had been part of our workgroup with my crush and me, we reminisced about old times. To my surprise, she revealed that my crush had actually reciprocated my feelings! Unfortunately, he had assumed that I wasn't interested and never made a move. Now, it was too late to pursue anything, and attempting to reconnect after so much time had passed would have been awkward.


8. I was upset that I lost my chance

I feel ashamed of my behavior towards him because I wasn't true to myself. I was trying too hard to be someone else, which is regrettable. It's disappointing that I'll never know what could have been, and it leaves me feeling a little empty inside.

9. Now I'm better at going after what I want

Instead of trying to come up with tactics, I've realized that being straightforward is a better approach when it comes to expressing my feelings for someone. Although I still struggle with attracting guys, I've learned to avoid playing hard to get in the future. This experience has taught me a valuable lesson: you should never play games just because it seems to work for others or is portrayed in the media. It's much better to be true to yourself because that's how you'll ultimately find success in relationships.