I May Have Let You Go, But I Have Never Stopped Wanting You
Published in Aug 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
In the beginning, it was nice. We were comfortable and flirty, talking or texting almost every minute of every day. We would interact through social media and exchange photos constantly if we weren’t together in person. Weekend trips together were always fun; spending time together seemed to make me feel complete every time.
As time went on it seemed almost as if you lost interest in me. I would always end up waiting long hours until I would receive a text or phone call from you. I began to be the one who would have to reach out first and then wait for you to “have time” for me. You would cancel plans last minute, and when we finally would get together, I would make sure I dressed up nice to try and get your attention.
After all the mixed signals you’ve given me, and after how much you began to make me feel unwanted, I still wanted you. No matter how much you ignored me or acted like you never had the time for me, I would always end up forgiving you. I pushed aside all the issues we had with communication to be able to feel the love in the small times that you did try to connect with me. I held on to what our relationship used to be and didn’t look at it for what it had become.
After months, and months of being the one to reach out, compliment you, and wait for you to get back to me whenever you felt like it, I became exhausted from the stress. The relationship that I once loved with you exhausted me! I kept feeling that if I just stuck in there, and stayed by your side no matter how you treated me, you would come to realize that I was the one.
I wanted to be yours because I knew that, even though you didn’t always show it well, you were a good person deep down and that you did love deep when you would show it.
When I became overly tired of chasing you, I stopped. I stopped being the one to always reach out to you, I stopped making plans and sending you pictures, and I stopped allowing you to come and go as you wished. I ultimately gave up on hoping for a bright future with you, and realized that you were not ready for what I was ready for; a long-term relationship.
I came to realize that no matter how much I wanted you, you were never going to feel the same way about me.
Just because I stopped chasing you doesn’t mean that I ever stopped wanting you though. I still often wonder what you are up to, or what would happen if we ever ran into each other. I wonder if you’ve grown up more, and have found someone you can appreciate. I do still have feelings for you and think that I always will in a sense, for all the good and amazing times that we did share. I miss a lot of the good that we shared between us, and I will always want you. I could never go back to feeling how I did, and that’s a lesson that I learned by being with you. I learned that no matter how hard a person tries or how much you want a person if the other person is not ready or does not feel the same, it will never work out in the end.
I have worked to move on from you, and have let you go. I have even considered dating and starting a life with someone else should someone come along, but I will always want you in some form.