I May Fall Deeply In Love With You, But I'm Still Okay On My Own
Published in Oct 2019 / Updated in Oct 2021
Many of us think finding love would cure us of all our earthly woes, or should I say, bring us happiness. And we all want happiness. But what I don't understand is why this all-important life goal should be tied to another human being.
Wouldn't you like to be happy on your own? I know you would. I want that too. Personally, I would like happiness that heartbreak would never take away from me. Yes, happiness that does not depend on anyone other than myself.
I think happiness is something too precious to pin on someone else.
Complete joy is what I seek, and I am certain I am not alone. So, why would I expect it from someone who is yet to find their own?
The light within me should be there whether other people treat me the way I like or not. I want to have eyes that see beauty and joy in everything around me. I want to be surrounded by positivity and unending optimism.
Yes. Even when everyone turns their backs on me, I want to have something deep within that I can find and still smile thinking I have the happiest life in the world.
I wish for joy that does not depend on someone adoring me or being amazingly good to me.
My focus should not be on what the world can do for me but what I can do to bring happiness and joy to the world. I should be a star, not someone who basks under its glare.
When a loved one passes on, I don't want to be shattered into pieces. My world should not come crashing down just because someone close has left my life.
Don't get it wrong. I am not saying I should always be smiling. I will get sad when something bad happens. But after an appropriate period, the darkness should be gone and I should be okay.
I don't want to stumble through darkness and misery, feeling lonely and incapable of finding a way out.
At all times, I want to remember what a happy and joyful person I am. And a time will not come when I will want to lose any touch with that part of me that causes me eternal joy and happiness.
I don't want to lose myself to misery and the frustrations of this world. If I lose myself, let it be to the effervescent joy that bubbles within me. That I can handle.
And yes, I want to love and be loved.
I want to find "the one" one day. But I have one condition. I won't give up my happiness to do it.
I want to be the personification of love. Love should be so abundant within me that failure to get it from anyone should not turn my world upside down.
Rejection should not throw me into the abyss. I want to be unbreakable, even when someone walks away from my life.
Just because they have left, I should not be empty and hopeless.
And so, I have made one important decision: who I am and the person I love will not mix. I will always be who I am, but I know I might not always have the person I love.
The fire in my soul and the beauty in my heart should live on. Nobody can take it away, although the person I love should enjoy every bit of it.
With the right person, I know the beautiful and good things about me will only get better.
But best of all, I will make sure I am okay even without someone by my side. My heart is mine to protect, not anyone else's.
I will let the person I love help me hold it and keep it above the petty worries of this world. But the time will not come when I let them hold it on their own and trust them with the responsibility of protecting it. That would give them a chance to break it and make a mess of my life.
So no. My heart is mine to protect. I will give it to the right person, but its safety is on me and me alone. They can have as much love as it has to give, but they will not break it into pieces and make it incapable of loving.
Also, there is one thing I know. And it gives me a lot of assurance in this life.
I am complete just the way I am. I am happy, and I don't need anyone to be complete. There is joy within me, and it comes from deep within, from a place nobody should destroy.
A little heartache or heartbreak should not destroy the reason it radiates its joy and happiness.
So, if someone thinks I have no place in their lives, then I am fine with that.
For the person who truly deserves me, I know I am complete in every way.
I am complete just the way I am. My joy will not come from dancing to someone else's tune. The song of joy in my heart will be enough for me, thank you very much.
So, understand something. If you love me, know that you will get all the love you could ever imagine. My happiness, joy, and all the good things I offer can be shared with the right person.
But I will not give up the love in me to create room for yours because the day you leave, I will have nothing but emptiness inside.
We will be there for each other. We will have fun. We will support each other. We will fall in love, wear matching t-shirts, complete each other's sentences, and enjoy every kind of joy lovers look forward to.
You just have to accept one thing: even without you by my side, I will be fine. Yes, I will be okay. And I will be happy.