In my early twenties, I prided myself on achieving success and earning good money, and this continues to be the case in my mid-20s. However, my love life has been less successful. Despite working hard and accomplishing great things in my career, finding lasting love has proven difficult, especially since I earn more money than most of the men I have dated. This has complicated my relationships and made it challenging to find a long-lasting partner.
1. I Never Know When To Disclose My Income
When I start a new relationship, I often wonder when the right time is to tell my partner about my income. It's not a secret that I earn a decent amount, especially when they see my car, house, or designer bag. However, the question remains: should I explicitly mention that I make more money than my partner? This uncertainty often plagues my mind and makes me wonder how my partner will react.
2. Guys Say They're Okay With It But They're Usually Not
Initially, my partners seem okay with my income, and some even enjoy the benefits of receiving expensive gifts. However, things usually take a turn for the worse later on. My ex, for example, called me his sugar mama and didn't seem to mind my higher income. Five years down the road, though, it became a significant issue, and we eventually broke up. If only I could determine which men are honest and which ones are not right from the start.
3. I Constantly Wonder Whether He's Taking Advantage Of Me
Deciphering whether a guy likes me for who I am or for the benefits I provide is my biggest dating obstacle. I tend to be overly generous in relationships, which brings me happiness, but it also raises the question of whether my partner is with me for me or for the perks, such as paying off their student loans or letting them live rent-free with me.
4. How Generous Is Too Generous?
Spoiling my boyfriends is a tendency I have. I showered my ex-boyfriend with luxuries, such as paying for his education, providing free accommodation, buying him a car, and more. Despite my generosity, he emotionally abused me and cheated on me. In retrospect, I realize that finding a balance between being generous and being excessive is challenging.
5. He Assumes I'll Pay
My current boyfriend is a sweetheart who loves me for me, unlike my ex who was a jerk. However, after a year of dating, we have developed an assumption that I will always be the one to pay for things like nice dinners or vacations. Although I am capable of covering these expenses, I don't always want to. Changing this habit is difficult, like teaching an old dog new tricks.
6. I Feel Guilty When He Pays
My boyfriend and I have an unspoken agreement where I typically pay for everything, but occasionally he surprises me by covering the bill. Although I appreciate the gesture, I can't help but feel guilty knowing that he can't afford it like I can. This guilt leads me to go overboard in showing my gratitude, which is unnecessary and probably more expensive than if I had paid in the first place. It's frustrating to let this guilt get the best of me.
7. We Have Major Lifestyle Differences
It's true that I have a comfortable lifestyle and enjoy certain luxuries such as having a housekeeper, dining at nice restaurants, going to the salon, and drinking quality wine. However, I am not a snob and don't look down on those who live differently. Unfortunately, many men my age seem to still live like they're in college, which can be a turn-off. I once dated someone who refused to eat anywhere with cloth napkins, claiming it was too pretentious. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last. I often wonder if I should give up my luxuries to attract a partner who is more comfortable with my lifestyle.
8. I Feel Pressured To Maintain My Income
As someone who values financial independence, I feel a lot of pressure to maintain my income. This pressure is compounded when I'm in a relationship because my partner starts to rely on my financial contributions. Recently, when I mentioned to my boyfriend that I wanted to transition out of sales, his suggestion was to open my own sales office. While I appreciated his encouragement, it only reinforced his expectation that I continue making a substantial income. I wish I could enjoy my life more and work less without feeling guilty or judged by my partner.
9. A Lot Of Guys Are REALLY Insecure
A man's insecurities tend to surface when he earns less money, regardless of the size of his manhood. My ex-partner felt emasculated by my larger income, and he tried to prove his manliness through rough sex. This experience made me reflect on gender roles, which have evolved since the 1950s. Men used to be the sole breadwinners, but this is no longer the case in 2017, and male mentality needs to adapt accordingly.
10. I Want To Celebrate My Success!
I didn't come into my wealth through inheritance, a trust fund, or a lottery win. While my peers were busy partying and discovering themselves, I worked tirelessly throughout my twenties to achieve success. Yet, despite earning my achievements, I feel guilty for making more money than some men. It's frustrating to have to boost male egos and quell insecurities when I am a strong, independent, successful woman. I want to be with someone who can genuinely celebrate my accomplishments with me, so perhaps it's time to find a man who earns more than I do.