Reflecting on our relationship, it's become clear that my professed love for you was never genuine. While I may have spoken those words repeatedly, I now realize that I was drawn more to the idea of who you were, rather than to you as an individual. It's possible that this is why our relationship ended sooner than expected.
1. I Loved Having A Security Blanket
I clung to you with all my might, but looking back, I regret it. In hindsight, I recognize that what I was truly in love with was the sense of security you provided, not you as a person. Though it may have seemed otherwise at the time, I never intended to take advantage of you.
2. I Loved Not Being Lonely
It's easy to develop feelings for someone who spends all their time with you. Your company filled the void of my loneliness, and I cherished the sense of belonging that came with it. It's difficult to admit, but I resented you for taking that away from me. This realization makes me think that it was your presence, rather than you as an individual, that I truly cared about.
3. I Loved How You Always Said Yes
You were incredibly kind to me. You always supported my every decision, which made me grow attached to you. Throughout our relationship, you were always accommodating, letting me pick where we would eat or agreeing to stay in if that was my preference. I enjoyed having control over our plans, maybe even more than I enjoyed being with you.
4. I Loved How Much You Loved Me
The thought of relying on someone, especially for my self-worth, makes me uneasy. However, when we were together, you were my only source of validation. As long as you loved and accepted me, I felt the same way. It took me several months to realize that it's not healthy to use someone else to boost your own confidence, just as I used you.
5. I Loved The Things You Said To Me
You had a gift for words, and it so happened that I was a complete sucker for them. You would say the most beautiful things to me, like how you'd do anything for me or how deeply enamored you were. I was so captivated by your words that I hardly noticed our relationship was losing its spark.
6. I Loved Having Sex On A Consistent Basis
It was only a matter of time before I mentioned it, but being in a relationship meant I had the freedom to engage in sexual activities whenever I wanted, and it was an incredible feeling. Our sex life was healthy and enjoyable, and it's the thing I miss the most. I can't help but wonder if the reason we didn't stay friends after breaking up was that we couldn't have sex anymore, which was all we (or I) really wanted.
7. I Loved The Idea Of Having A Boyfriend
It's becoming apparent to me that I was more in love with the idea of you than being with you in reality. You were a guy who was interested in me, and that was enough for me to commit to being your girlfriend. The comfort of knowing you would always be there was what I valued the most. Ultimately, it was the relief of no longer being bothered by my mom about my dating life that I loved, not you.
8. I Loved The Attention
As a proud Leo, nothing in this world satisfies me more than being adored, and you gave me all the admiration I could ever ask for. If anyone else showed me the same level of attention, I would have fallen in love with them instantly. Being put on a pedestal was my favorite aspect of being your girlfriend, and it's what I live for.
9. I Loved How Similar We Were
My belief that I was in love with you was actually misplaced. Rather, I was enamored with my own qualities that I found reflected in you. I disregarded aspects of you that diverged from me, reacting with disdain when you behaved in ways that I wouldn't. Failing to accept your imperfections indicates that my love for you was not genuine.
10. I Loved Always Having A Date
I am no longer the sole unmarried individual at social gatherings. The sensation of belonging with you was comforting, and I couldn't help but revel in the admiration of onlookers. When we were together, I had a companion to accompany me to events and present the facade of a happy relationship, or any relationship for that matter.
11. I Loved Having A Shoulder To Cry On
In my moment of despair, you were my pillar of support. Regrettably, I was unable to reciprocate the same level of care to you when you needed it. It is now evident that my feelings towards you were not authentic, as true love would have prompted me to come to your aid as you did for me. Perhaps I am self-centered, or perhaps I was incapable of feeling the same depth of affection that you harbored for me.