Do you know the feeling of being deeply in love with someone and feeling scared of losing them? That's me. Although I am aware that my relationship is strong and that my partner and I have a genuine connection, I can't shake off the fear that something might go wrong, and I will wake up one day without him by my side. It's a dreadful state of mind to be in all the time, in my opinion. Here's my reasoning for why I'm experiencing this.
1. He's the best guy I've ever dated
I can't envision growing old with anyone else but the guy I'm currently with. While others advise me to relax and not think about worst-case scenarios, my mind tends to wander there. I suppose that when things are going exceptionally well, I can't help but wonder if it's all too good to be true, and if I'm being lured into a false sense of security.
2. I don't want to sound pathetic
A few individuals have advised me to be strong and not let my relationship define me. However, that's not what I'm doing. It's natural for anyone to fear losing someone or something they love, and my relationship is exceptionally fantastic that I wouldn't want to lose it. My life has significantly improved thanks to this incredible relationship, and there's no shame in admitting that. But, for someone like me who struggles with relationship anxiety, it comes with a lot of fear.
3. Dating was crap before he came along
Although being single was fantastic, the dating scene was a minefield for me. I encountered numerous toxic men that almost made me give up on relationships and become a cat lady. I had multiple toxic relationships that left me shattered, with enough trust issues to fill a suitcase. But, when my partner arrived, he demonstrated to me that love wasn't supposed to be painful.
4. He restored my faith in people
Losing my partner would be devastating because he made me realize that there is someone out there who can connect with me in the most remarkable way possible. Prior to him, I never believed that I would meet someone who would be a perfect match for me in every aspect.
5. I hate being out of control
I believe that what lies beneath my fear of losing my partner is the fear of losing control. I can't always control what life throws at me, and I can't predict the obstacles that may come my way. This is frightening because it feels like I'm at the mercy of an unknown force that does whatever it wants.
6. Love doesn't always last forever
There is a possibility that my partner may change his mind about me. We've all heard stories of people who wake up one day and decide that they're no longer in love with their partners. Couples break up, and marriages end in divorce. Sometimes, even the seemingly perfect couples go through tough times. There are no guarantees that love and marriage will last forever.
7. I worry that I'm not good enough
At times, my anxiety about losing my partner is more about myself than the unpredictability of life or the scary divorce statistics. I fear that my partner will become weary of dealing with my idiosyncrasies and depart, lose attraction to me over time, or discover someone else who is a better fit for him. While it's normal to have these concerns, I despise them. I wish I could be strong and reassure myself that I'm a great catch.
8. Love always carries a risk
It's crazy how the more you love someone, the more risks you take. Loving another person is scary because you put so much of yourself into the relationship, and the idea of it all going to waste is dreadful. However, what is one supposed to do? Should you hold back parts of yourself and your love? I don't want to live my life that way.
9. It's still worth it
To be honest, I wouldn't alter anything. Despite all the fears and anxiety that I go through, it's still preferable to love wholeheartedly and take the risk of having my heart broken than to pass up the chance of experiencing an incredible love in my life.
10. I'm trying to enjoy the moment
It's incredibly difficult for me not to worry about the "What if" questions that make me anxious about the future, but I try to remind myself that it's pointless to indulge in them. Since I can't control everything, I should surrender to the unpredictability of life. I don't know what will happen, so I might as well appreciate what I have right now, right? After all, worrying about the future only causes me to miss out on today.
11. I have to remember that I will be okay either way
I recall a family friend's story about her divorce after 20 years of marriage. She said it was tough, but she had to be okay because there was no other option. Her relationship ended, but her life continued. Her strength and wisdom inspire me when relationship anxiety arises. I remind myself that I'll be okay no matter what happens because there's no other choice.
