I Know That My Overthinking Makes Me Hard To Love, But Please Be Patient With Me
Published in Dec 2018 / Updated in Oct 2021
I know that I am an over-thinker. It makes me too cautious, too analytical, and unable to make up my mind on the go like some people do; I really envy them.
I mean, I am one of those people to who you could send a one-word text, but I will think of a hundred possible meanings to that one text. This makes it an even bigger problem to find true love, you could tell me you love me, but I will take a decade to think about the words you said.
I keep overthinking, asking myself, did you really mean those words? I have definitely heard them before. What makes you and those other playboys different?
There are times I wish I had some kind of mystical power, to know what other people think. I wish I could read their mind outrightly because trying to figure out what someone means drives me nuts.
I sincerely apologize if my overthinking hurts you, but it is something that I just can't help. I am not trying to be melodramatic and cause unnecessary arguments or trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. I am just me. I have been hurt before because, well I trusted and loved the wrong people. All I am trying to do is protect my heart from going through the same turmoil over and over again.
I really don't want to be the one that has to stomach the pain by ignoring it when their partner cheats on them. I simply don't want to overlook the red flags. Let me be pretty sure of what I am getting myself into. Let me be prepared for whatever is ahead of me. After all, marriage is not a bed of roses, so they say.
That is the reason why I pay attention to details. I notice everything when I am with the person my heart is inclined to love.
I notice your change of voice tone, body language when all is seemingly not well. I simply like to think that you had a long day at work, but my overthinking self sometimes thinks that you are mad at me or you are trying to keep something from me.
I am sorry if you think I am too oversensitive or trying to make a big deal out of nothing. Well, you are correct, it is who I am, and that is why I am letting you know before the flame gets bigger. It is obvious, the brighter the flame, the deeper the scar.
Don't get it twisted though. I am not pessimistic. I simply find it hard to ignore that there are two sides to every coin. If there is light, there must be darkness. If there is a possibility of falling in love, falling out of love is also a possible outcome. I just want to be prepared when it happens. I am just afraid that you might wake up and walk away, leaving me high and dry.