I Know It’s Hard, But When Someone Decides You’re Not ‘The One,’ You Move On
Published in Oct 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
Unrequited love hurts, and the end of a relationship is never easy, especially if the decision was not mutual. It hurts to be committed in a relationship and have your sights set on a future together, only to have your partner turn around and say you are not the right person for them. It hurts and it will for a while, but your best move; your only move really is to accept it and move on.
Don’t ever give in to the urge to chase after someone who has made it clear they are no longer interested in you. When someone tells you their feelings have changed, believe them. No amount of convincing on your part will change that.
Preserve your energy and save your dignity by accepting and respecting their decision instead of chasing after them. Your ego may be bruised, and your heart is probably hurting like it’s never hurt before, but don’t give them the satisfaction of thinking that you are desperate.
If you must, have one final conversation and say everything you may need to let out, just to give yourself some closure. Be civil, and don’t let your emotions get in the way as you talk.
If you find that you need to talk to someone, then don’t be afraid to do so. Talking through your emotions with someone you are close to and whom you can trust does actually help. Stick to what you feel comfortable discussing, and don’t ever think you owe anyone an explanation.
Take this time to reconnect with and invest in yourself. Pick up a new hobby and do the things that you love doing. It will surprise you just how little time you have to wallow in your pain when you have other things going on for you.
Love yourself. Just because one person didn’t think you were the right person for them doesn’t mean that you are unlovable. Far from it, really, and you should count it as good riddance because their departure from your life will only create space for someone else, someone better. This bad experience should not leave you questioning yourself or your worth.
Don’t blame yourself for the way things ended. Your partner decided to leave, and that is entirely on them. Don’t let this apparent rejection by one person drive you to a place of self-doubt and self-esteem issues. You are not responsible for anyone’s actions except your own.
More importantly, give it time. It will not happen overnight or even in a few weeks. It may seem like forever before it finally stops hurting, but it surely will. Don’t suppress your feelings through this time. Allow yourself to feel and heal. In the end, it will all be worth it.
Don’t put your life on hold, trying to fix something that is broken beyond repair. If it was meant to be, then it would have, but when someone bluntly says there is no chance of reconciliation, don’t waste your efforts and emotions trying to make it work. Graciously let that door close behind you.
It may not seem like it right now, but time does actually heal all wounds. Respect yourself enough to accept the reality of your breakup for what it really is, a reality. Don’t imprison yourself in the past. You will be amazed to see what else is out there for you in this life.
One day, not too long from now, you will be thankful for this experience, thankful that you made a choice to move on and not cling on when someone decided you were not the right one for them.