After being single for a few weeks, I decided to re-enter the dating scene, which turned out to be a big mistake. I completely ignored the 12 signs that indicated I wasn't ready for it.
1. I Felt Anxious All The Time
It wasn't just pre-date nerves that made me restless and anxious; looking back, I realize that I wasn't ready to date again. The breakup left me wounded, especially since it came out of nowhere.
2. I Was Looking For A Distraction
I found myself unable to sit still with my thoughts, and instead of addressing my issues, I looked for distractions. Dating apps became my go-to distraction, but it was a terrible reason to go on dates.
3. I Wasn't Focusing On My Needs
I believed that I needed someone new, but what I really needed was more time to focus on myself. How could I start a new relationship when I hadn't worked through all the issues from my breakup?
4. I Had Idealized Ideas About Love
I hoped that the next person I met and fell in love with would be more perfect than my ex, but this focus was hindering my chances of finding the right person. I came across as too intense on dates, as if I was trying to prove something to myself.
5. I Wasn't Dealing With My Self-Love Issues
My aim was to demonstrate that someone else could love and accept me. However, I soon realized that finding a new partner was not the solution to my lack of self-love and acceptance. Dependence on another's opinions would only lead to more disappointment. Thus, I needed to find self-love within myself.
6. I Compared Every Guy To My Ex
As I sat across the coffee table from my date, I couldn't help but notice how he didn't measure up to my ex. His eyes weren't as amazing, and he didn't have the same sense of humor. The truth was that I wasn't ready to date, as my thoughts were consumed by my ex. I couldn't get him out of my head.
7. I Was Lost In The Breakup
I couldn't stop thinking about my breakup; it consumed my thoughts every day. I spent several hours analyzing what went wrong and even shed tears over it. When other guys I was dating texted me during this emotional turmoil, it seemed illogical to have both situations going on at the same time. Although I was attempting to move on, I wasn't prepared because I was still struggling with the breakup's emotional aftermath. No one could pull me out of it; it was solely up to me.
8. I Felt The Pressure To Date
Finding myself suddenly single after a two-year relationship was daunting. I felt the mounting pressure to find someone new, especially since many of my friends were in serious long-term relationships. However, I knew that wasn't a good enough reason to jump back into the dating game without proper consideration.
9. I Sounded Jaded On My First Dates
On a first (and last) date with a guy, I found myself expressing how jaded I was about dating and life in general. I sounded overly negative, and it was no surprise that he didn't text me after the date. Looking back, I wouldn't have texted someone with that kind of energy either, especially at that stage in my life.
10. I Found Dating Exhausting
The thought of having to share everything about myself, from trivial details like my education and siblings to more personal aspects, felt like a daunting task. It was like climbing a mountain. This was a red flag that I wasn't in the right headspace to start dating because when I'm excited about the prospect, I look forward to starting fresh with someone new.
11. I Took Lots Of Rainchecks
There were occasions when I found it hard to keep the dates that I had planned with guys. Even though I had valid reasons such as work commitments or visiting a friend, it was evident that I was not prioritizing dating. I always seemed to have something more significant to do, which indicated that I was hesitant to get back into the dating scene, although I didn't acknowledge it to myself.
12. I Wanted To Be Saved
Going through a breakup can be emotionally draining. I was not an exception, and it affected my thinking. Perhaps that's why I wanted to start dating again; I was seeking someone to save me, which sounds cringe-worthy now. I was unhappy with myself and craved more excitement in my life. Instead of relying on someone else to fix me or make my life more interesting, I should have taken charge of it myself (which fortunately, I did).