I Don't Want To Be A Mom And I Shouldn't Be Judged For It

In my perspective, having children is a matter of choice rather than an obligation. As humans, we are unique beings, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach that guarantees happiness for everyone. Personally, I have dedicated considerable thought to the idea of having children and for various reasons, I have decided against it. I firmly believe that my decision to not become a mother does not make me a dreadful person, nor does it diminish my womanhood in any way.

1. Choosing not to have kids isn't offensive

Many people find my perspective offensive, assuming that I am disrespecting their personal choices. However, that is not the case. I am too busy with my own life to involve myself in the affairs of random women, let alone criticize or harass them for their pregnancy. Anyone who has the time and inclination to get upset over another person's uterus is not someone I care to converse with.

2. No, I don't hate kids

It's foolish to assume that not possessing or desiring something implies hatred towards it. For instance, I don't purchase chewable vitamins. Does that signify that I detest them? Absolutely not. In fact, I hold babies in high regard. They spend the majority of their time snuggled up comfortably while their every requirement is met without hesitation, and when they cry, nourishment is instantaneously available. Babies are undoubtedly cunning geniuses who have it all planned out.

3. I don't have to be a parent to know that parenting is hard

My upbringing was shaped by an alcoholic father figure who was not adequately prepared to care for children. With two younger siblings to look after, I found myself shouldering a great deal of responsibility, becoming somewhat of a substitute parent at an age when I couldn't even drive. While I wasn't a full-fledged parent, I had an inside view that exposed me to the utter exhaustion, soul-crushing, and bleakness of parenting. Opting out of reliving that experience with my own children does not in any way diminish my womanhood.

4. I want my choice to be accepted

When I express my intention of not having children, I don't want to have to defend my decision with a barrage of justifications. Instead, I hope that the person I'm conversing with will simply say, "Okay," and move on, without feeling the need to categorize me based on preconceived notions of what a woman should or should not be.

5. I'm a "real woman" already

The statement "You're not a real woman until you have kids" or "You're not a real woman unless you want kids" is an unsettlingly common argument in favor of having children. If my womanhood is invalidated without children, what does that make me? Non-existent? I wish the IRS shared that perspective.

6. I'm not selfish either

A selfish individual makes self-centered choices that harm others. However, if I choose not to have children, who exactly am I hurting? Meeting my own basic requirements is not a selfish act; it is a sign of being a responsible adult. All adults need food, exercise, money, and sleep, and securing these things for myself is not a self-centered madness. Basic needs are critical for survival, and fulfilling them does not imply that I prioritize myself over others, particularly if those others do not exist.

7. I don't have a biological clock

I am not deliberately suppressing maternal instincts; they simply don't exist within me. Where exactly is this so-called biological clock located? Am I supposed to believe that on the stroke of midnight on my 30th birthday, I will suddenly experience an overwhelming desire to give birth? If that does happen, I'll be sure to inform everyone.

8. Kids or cats are not my only options

I have countless options available to me in life. I can pursue any path I desire and strive for any aspiration I have, just like anyone else. Some individuals may fear that I will eventually become a miserable and reclusive old person with an overwhelming number of cats. However, life would be exceedingly dreary if there were only two possible outcomes.

9. No one is going to change my mind

The opinions of strangers don't hold enough weight to change my self-perception as a woman. I have yet to hear a new or compelling argument from anyone about having children. The same old arguments of waiting until I'm older, being biologically inadequate, unexpected pregnancies, meeting a partner who wants children, and ending up alone are repeatedly thrown at me. Most of the time, these arguments come from people who are unaware of my personal circumstances, background, or medical history. If I were to tell someone who desires children that they would change their mind, it would make me a terrible person.

10. Kids will always have my support

Not having kids doesn't mean I have a negative attitude towards children, nor that I enjoy sipping martinis on the beach while mocking exhausted parents. I firmly believe that every child deserves a healthy home life, a good education, and the freedom to make their own choices. My personal decision doesn't invalidate these values.