I find it difficult to believe that men and women can be friends without some complications arising, except under unusual circumstances. Even then, I remain suspicious of those circumstances. I choose to keep my circle of male friends limited to the ones my girlfriends are dating or married to. It simply doesn't seem practical to pursue such complex friendships. Here are a few reasons why I prefer not to form friendships with men.
1. Guys Probably Don't Want To Be Your Friend
I have always wanted to have a male friend, but I have found that they do not want to be friends with me. Every time I think I have made a male friend, either they stop talking to me when I begin dating someone, or they make advances towards me. Since all the men I meet either want to date me or do not want to speak to me, I do not bother trying to befriend them. Why should I invest time in building a friendship when the other person is only waiting for me to be single again? Is it really a friendship if one party has romantic feelings? I do not believe so.
2. It's A Slippery Slope
Forming a friendship with a man can easily lead to something more. Emotions can interfere, and a casual remark can be taken the wrong way. Perhaps you are at a bar and pretend to be dating so other men do not approach you. Even small things like that can add up and make you wonder. The other concern is that you may not know the true motive behind the man's attempt to befriend you. What are their underlying intentions? To me, the intention is just as significant as the act.
3. Breeding Ground For Emotional Affair
One reason why Cassanova was so successful with women was because he listened to them. When relationships become challenging, it's common to seek advice from a male friend. However, receiving compassion and understanding from men can blur emotional boundaries. If your partner is not listening to you, it's easy to become reliant on someone else for male attention, leading to an emotional affair. It's crucial to be mindful of this trap and avoid it altogether.
4. Potential One-Sided Attraction
The Friend Zone is a common dilemma that has been around for ages. When one person develops feelings for the other, it can lead to sabotage and mistrust. Seeking advice from someone who has an ulterior motive can be detrimental to all parties involved. Confessing your feelings to someone else might seem romantic, but it's also selfish. It can cause the other person to question their relationship and their life in general.
5. Random Comments That Confuse Things
Sometimes, innocent actions can have unintended consequences. A lingering gaze or a joke taken too far can change the dynamic of a relationship. Curiosity can also be dangerous. If someone tells you about a sexy dream they had with you, it can shift the relationship in unexpected ways. These moments can be confusing and can cause emotional distress. It's important to communicate openly and honestly to avoid misunderstandings.
6. It Can Cause Tension With Your SO
Even a mildly jealous boyfriend may become suspicious of a male friend. Men can often read the intentions of other men, and this can be exacerbated in a marriage. This is especially true if you are emotionally involved with your male friend. Bringing up something your male friend said during an argument with your significant other can lead to trouble. While female friends can also cause issues, the tension is different with male friends, especially if your partner believes there is a chance that your friend is interested in you. Unless you spend time with your boyfriend and male friend together, it's best to keep some distance between them.
7. It Can Cause Tension With His SO
Women can also become suspicious if their significant other is texting or spending time alone with a female friend. Even if you have platonic male friends yourself, it can still seem suspicious. It might make you feel uneasy if your boyfriend is texting a female friend, and your partner might be justified in asking you to end that friendship. While similar situations can arise with female friendships, the underlying reasons are different. I have seen many of my girlfriends ask their boyfriends to stop texting or hanging out with female friends, perhaps because they know that women can develop feelings for men in relationships. Ultimately, both men and women can feel uneasy about their partners spending time alone with friends of the opposite sex.
8. It Gets Complicated
Managing opposite-sex friendships can be extremely challenging due to the complicated dynamics and potential for romantic feelings to arise. It's often best to deprioritize these friendships when you enter into a relationship, in order to avoid unnecessary complications. Conversely, female friendships tend to remain unchanged and can continue without issue, albeit possibly with less frequent hangouts.
9. There's Always Gossip And Comments
Being close friends with a guy can invite speculation and comments about the potential for a romantic relationship. The more you deny it, the more people tend to believe it. This can cause self-doubt and make you question whether there are feelings beyond just friendship. It's a common belief that men and women can't be just friends, and having a male friend can reinforce that belief, leading to more confusion and uncertainty.
10. Even Studies Say It's A Problematic
Studies show that while platonic friendships can exist between men and women, they are often more complicated than same-gender friendships. Men are more likely to develop romantic feelings for their female friends, regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. Moreover, they tend to assume that their female friend feels the same way. This can create an uncomfortable dynamic and even lead to misunderstandings. Furthermore, men are more comfortable making a move on their female friends, irrespective of their relationship status. Therefore, it's worth considering whether your guy friend really views your relationship as purely platonic.