It's not uncommon for people to have sex early on in dating, but in my recent serious relationship, I chose to wait. I held off for not just a few weeks, but a full six months. Interestingly, even though we never ended up sleeping together, the decision didn't contribute to our eventual breakup.
1. My gut told me it'd be better to wait
In my twenties, I made the mistake of disregarding my intuition when it came to men, and it led to some tough lessons. So, when I met a guy I was really into, despite my strong attraction, my gut feeling told me to wait, and I heeded its warning.
2. He wanted to work towards something bigger
Despite sensing that sex wasn't immediately in the cards, the guy was respectful and didn't pressure me. His words, "Relationships are not a race. I'm in this for the long haul," showed me he was interested in building a genuine connection. I felt like I had found a rare and wonderful person who wasn't just looking for sex.
3. But then cracks started to show
Strangely, taking sex out of the equation eliminated a major distraction, and we were able to see each other more clearly. It became apparent that we didn't have much in common; we held different interests, hobbies, and values. At times, conversations felt forced, and it was awkward.
4. He had a reputation
As we spent more time together and had conversations instead of having sex, I learned more about his past and discovered he used to be a notorious player, which he even admitted to. I began to wonder if he still had those tendencies, and it occurred to me that his nonchalant attitude towards not having sex might be a sign of that.
5. I wanted to be loved
I grew tired of guys who only wanted me for one thing, so I decided to prioritize finding love before jumping into bed. I believed I deserved that much. However, the challenge arose when the guy I was seeing didn't seem to show me much affection. He often seemed distant and failed to support me during difficult times.
6. I was only attracted to his appearance
Abstaining from sex allowed me to have a deeper realization about myself, not just about him. I recognized that I had been sidetracked by his physical appearance, mistaking lust for love.
7. Instead of moving forward, we hit a dead-end
Apart from recognizing my lack of feelings, other concerns also arose. One of the biggest was his tendency to disappear for several days at a time, leaving me wondering what he was up to. Although it made me feel insecure, I knew I would have been even more insecure if we had been sexually involved.
8. Then the guilt trap started
After dating for four months, the guy began to subtly suggest that sex was important and strange that we hadn't engaged in it yet. However, he lacked the maturity to have a proper conversation about it and didn't seem to care about my reasons for abstaining. It was all about his needs, which was frustrating.
9. Yup, he was cheating on me
It was no surprise that the guy had been okay with not having sex - he was cheating on me. I stumbled upon a text message on his phone from another woman, detailing the night they had spent together. My intuition had been correct.
10. Of course, he tried to turn the tables
Abstaining from sex allowed him to try and manipulate the situation in his favor. When I confronted him about the text, he tried to turn the blame on me, claiming that my reluctance to have sex meant that I had been cheating on him. It was a feeble attempt to deflect the truth.
11. I learned the importance of being different
He had a reputation for being a player, and I didn't want to fall into the same trap as other women who had slept with him. I noticed the lustful looks he received from others when we were out together, and I wanted to maintain my self-respect and authenticity. I desired clarity and a partner who respected me, and I believed that withholding sex was the best way to test his intentions and character.
12. I learned the value of not jumping in
If I had engaged in sex early on in our relationship, I might have missed all the red flags that were present. We would have been consumed with physical attraction, but not in a healthy relationship. I'm certain that the guy still would have cheated on me because of his shady behavior. I'm glad I avoided a potentially disastrous situation.