It may sound like a common trope, but I believe that I'm the only one in my relationship who initiates conversations about my emotions. Initially, I thought I could manage with a less expressive approach to meaningful communication, but I've reached my limit.
1. It makes me feel like i barely know him
Despite dating for more than a year and having been friends for even longer, I struggle to recall significant details about my boyfriend's life. It's particularly distressing considering how much I've shared with him and how vulnerable I've been, while he remains a mystery to me.
2. I feel like he doesn't trust me
He's usually one of the first people I confide in whenever something's bothering me, but it's disheartening when he downplays or denies any problems he may have. It feels as though he doesn't have the same faith in me to handle his emotional struggles as I have in him.
3. I question how close we actually are
Despite transitioning from friends to dating, I still find myself lacking deeper knowledge about him as a girlfriend than I did as a friend. Even after a year of dating, he can feel like a mere casual acquaintance rather than the person I'm meant to be intimately connected with.
4. It's no fun talking to yourself
Conversations that lack mutual engagement tend to fizzle out quickly. When my boyfriend's responses lack substance, it not only leads to short and superficial conversations but also leaves me feeling exasperated. After a few attempts at pulling teeth to get him to engage, I'm tempted to abandon communication altogether. I didn't enter a relationship to have one-sided conversations.
5. It makes me feel alone
It's a dreadful experience to feel lonely even when surrounded by people you cherish. This is precisely how I feel when I share the darkest moments of my life and my deepest insecurities with my boyfriend, but receive no comparable response in return. It's as if I'm communicating with an inanimate object, which leaves me feeling miserable.
6. I feel like I can't share things with him
Eventually, I get the impression that he's uninterested in discussing personal matters with me, and while that's okay, I still feel compelled to share personal details with my friends, including him. When he doesn't engage in dialogue and the conversation balance heavily favors me, it suggests that he's not invested in the exchange. Despite his assurances that he's available to listen, his behavior indicates otherwise and makes me hesitant to open up to him.
7. I want to feel as valuable to him as he is to me
The individuals in my life with whom I share my innermost thoughts and feelings are invaluable to me. They are the individuals I trust the most and care about the most deeply. While I feel this way about my boyfriend, I understand that people have varying levels of intimacy. However, at times it can make me feel as though he doesn't place much value on me.
8. I don't want to burden my partner
Being the sole communicator makes me feel like a source of burden to him. I don't want to weigh down my boyfriend, but I also don't want to be emotionally closed off. I don't want to be the bothersome and overly emotional girlfriend - which is precisely how I feel when he doesn't reciprocate openness.
9. It makes me trust him less
While I understand that a lack of communication doesn't necessarily mean he's hiding something, it certainly feels that way. When he clearly lies about being "fine," it indicates that I cannot rely on him to be truthful with me in the future. This is a major warning sign for me since communication is a critical aspect of any relationship, particularly as things become more serious.
10. I love him
I love my boyfriend and desire emotional intimacy in our relationship. However, his communication deficits make me question whether he reciprocates my feelings. While it's challenging to accept that people express love in different ways, I tend to struggle with my own insecurities and self-sabotage by overthinking his lack of communication. It can be tough to redirect my attention towards the positive aspects of our relationship.