It has been more challenging than anticipated to find a man who is comfortable with my strong bond with my gay best friend. I am uncompromising on this issue; if a potential partner cannot accept our relationship, then I cannot accept him. This is why I ended my previous relationship and would not hesitate to do the same with anyone I date in the future. Here are the reasons why I am firm in my stance.
1. My BFF is one of the most important people in my life and will always be a top priority
Ideally, I should never be put in a position where I have to pick between my best friend and my boyfriend. However, any partner of mine must understand that if my best friend needs me during our plans, I will prioritize them, just as I would for any female friend who is going through emotional distress. I can always reschedule dinner or a movie date with my boyfriend, but my best friend's well-being takes precedence.
2. We share a ridiculous amount of memories spanning decades
If my boyfriend can't handle learning about my past through conversations with my best friend, even if it includes memories of my exes, old school days, and loved ones who have passed away that he'll never get to meet, it's not necessarily his fault. However, it's important for him to understand that this is a part of who I am, and if it's too difficult for him to handle, then perhaps it's time for us to go our separate ways.
3. We're just big kids together
When my best friend and I reunite, we often embrace and share laughter, and sometimes even sing duets while holding hands in the car, but it's all innocent and fun. While my boyfriend may feel like a third wheel at times, he should be happy that I have such a wonderful friend who has always been there for me and always will be. There's no reason for him to be jealous - my boyfriend and best friend have their own unique places in my life that cannot be compared.
4. He knows everything about my sexual history
My best friend is aware of the details surrounding my virginity, including when and where it happened, and even knows about the size and appearance of various men's genitalia. He also remembers all of my past one-night stands, heartbreaks, and has opinions on all of my ex-boyfriends. Given how much we've shared, his opinion of my current boyfriend is highly valued, and any guy I date must make a significant effort to win his approval.
5. I trust his opinion on the guys I date
My gay best friend's opinion matters a great deal to me, mainly because he knows me better than I know myself in many respects. In the past, he's disapproved of boyfriends for reasons that I didn't take seriously at the time, only to discover much later that he was spot on. So if he doesn't like someone I'm seeing, there's likely a valid reason for it, even if I can't discern it at the time.
6. Boyfriends come and go but my BFF is forever
My gay best friend and I have been inseparable since childhood, so he's not just a passing friend. If a guy wants a long-term relationship with me, he must not only get along with my GBF but also enjoy spending time with him. While they don't need to become best friends, a little effort on their part will go a long way in strengthening our relationship.
7. My BFF is basically part of my extended family
While I'm sure my family will love my boyfriend, my gay best friend has been a part of our family for much longer than any guy I date. We've grown up together, and he's practically considered family at this point. He'll be invited to all of our family gatherings, including weddings, funerals, and eventually, he'll be an "Uncle" to our kids. While it may be difficult for my boyfriend to have another male figure who is so involved in my life, I hope he will eventually see my GBF as more of a brother than competition or a threat.