I Am So Loyal, It Is Toxic

My loyalty has always been a source of pride for me, as I've been quick to forgive and forget, and have even fought for others when it wasn't my own battle. However, I've begun to realize that my loyalty has often been misplaced in toxic relationships that I can't seem to break free from. This realization has started to weigh heavily on me.

1. I Find Ways To Justify People's Ridiculous Actions

I tend to make excuses for people's behavior by digging deeper beneath the surface. For example, when someone cheats on me, I rationalize it by attributing it to their unresolved issues with their mother. Similarly, when a friend betrays me, I explain it away as a result of their current hardships. I'm aware that this habit is harmful, but I still find myself doing it in the moment.

2. I Have The Makings Of A Professional Defense Lawyer

My strong belief that one must truly know someone before judging them leads me to defend anyone's behavior, even if it's harmful to me or those around me. I believe that everyone has a justification for their actions if you get to know them well enough. As a result, I often find myself making illogical justifications for people's behavior.

3. I Stand By People Who Make Me Feel Like Crap

It doesn't matter how many times I'm mistreated or ignored, or how I'm cast aside or shunned for some ridiculous reason. I always come back like a dog that's been abused, seeking even a small sign of affection to reassure me that I'm still loved. I'll accept whatever mistreatment comes my way and even stand by you for more. I wonder, what is wrong with me?

4. I'm Willing To Look Past People's Toxicity And Focus On Their Good Qualities

I firmly believe that everyone possesses at least one admirable quality, and if they've been a part of my life for long enough, I will identify that quality and support it. Once I see it, I can't disregard it, and it becomes the foundation of my argument that they are not entirely toxic, even if their harmful behavior outweighs the good. It's frustrating.

5. I'm Overly Forgiving

I have the ability to forgive nearly anything, including lying, cheating, stealing, and physical or emotional abuse, which is a bleak list. I can pardon a serious transgression with a simple "I'm sorry" or, in most cases, even less. I don't require an apology to forgive someone, so most of the time, they're not sorry, yet I still grant forgiveness, only encouraging their behavior further.

6. My Abundance Of Understanding Is A Death Sentence

The combination of my compassion and empathy makes it challenging for me to sever ties with someone, even when it may be justified. Instead, I often find myself trapped in a cycle of toxic friendships and relationships that seem never-ending.

7. Their Last Chance Was 200 Last Chances Ago

I have a habit of giving second chances to people because I want to believe that they can change and that my faith in them is not misplaced. I hope that they will have an epiphany and realize that they do not want to lose me, but unfortunately, it rarely happens. Despite this, I continue to offer chances in the hope that one day it will pay off.

8. Once I Actually Leave, I Always Find A Reason To Go Back

Like an abused dog, I am susceptible to empty promises from people who claim that they will change their behavior. Even though I know deep down that it is unlikely, I still cling to the hope that things will be different this time. Unfortunately, as history has shown, it never is.

9. I Seem To Go Unnoticed Until I'm Finally Gone.

Until the point where I am no longer available to take any more abuse, I have never received any apology for enduring other people's unreasonable behavior or appreciation for everything I have done for them. Even if I receive some form of recognition or gratitude towards the end, it appears half-hearted, making it seem like it was pointless all along.

10. I'm Never Really Doing It For Them

In my experience, I have never encountered someone who is as faithful to me as I am to them. As a result, subconsciously, I assume that the more I demonstrate my loyalty, the greater the possibility of receiving it in return. I believe that someone will recognize my importance in their life, and they will remain by my side through all the hardships, providing me with comfort and solace even when I push them away. Consequently, I think that my actions have always been for my own benefit.

11. I'm Starting To Realize That There's No Point

Considering that I have been standing alone for the entire duration, does it matter if I sever the ties now? In fact, ending the relationship could potentially lead to a happier outcome for me.