I Am Independent AF And My Boyfriend Can Not Stand It

According to popular belief, men are drawn to strong and independent women. But, when these men actually start a relationship with such women, some of them find it difficult to cope with the fact that their partner is self-reliant and doesn't necessarily depend on them. My boyfriend is one of these men, and the following reasons explain why he's struggling.

1. I Have My Own Life

Despite living together, I maintain my own personal agenda, passions, and independent life. This arrangement may not be ideal for my partner, who may have initially envisioned a different scenario when we first started our relationship, with more shared time and activities. However, our lives often remain quite separate, to the extent that...


2. I Don't Even Think He Knows What I Do During The Day

In case you were curious, my daily responsibilities include caring for my son, attending meetings with teachers and the Parent-Teacher Association, writing articles, pitching ideas to magazines, applying for freelance jobs, taking photos for my shop, writing product descriptions, planning social media marketing, tending to the animals, cleaning the house, preparing meals, managing my accounts, completing paperwork, dealing with insurance, and other mundane tasks. Sometimes, I'm even too busy to take a shower. My schedule is packed from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. with little to no breaks. Therefore, I don't have the time or desire to lounge around all day with my boyfriend or any other guy.


3. I Don't Need Much Emotional Support

I generally don't require significant emotional support on a deep and meaningful level. While I may seek someone to confide in during times of grief, seasonal depression, or burnout, I usually aim to limit my emotional needs. It's not that I doubt my partner's ability to be there for me, but rather that I've become accustomed to being self-reliant and struggle to rely on others for support.


4. I Feel Like No One Can Fulfill My Emotional Needs Better Than I Can, Anyway

If I were to seek a pep talk from him, I would most likely regret it soon afterward. This isn't because I'm sorry for bothering him, but rather because I'm aware that I'm better at motivating myself than he is. Although he claims to understand, I can't help but feel like he doesn't fully grasp this.


5. I Want To Be The Breadwinner

Throughout my past relationships, I've consistently been the primary earner, except for my current one. It deeply bothers me that my partner earns more than I do, motivating me to push harder and compete with him financially. Though I recognize it may seem insignificant, I cannot shake off my ambitious drive, particularly when it comes to finances.


6. I Have A Type A Personality

As a result of my nature, I tend to be intense, focused, and hold the belief that if I want something to be executed properly, it's best to handle it myself. I'm aware that this can be challenging for anyone, but my boyfriend appears to have an exceptionally difficult time adjusting to it.

7. He Feels Disposable…

Frankly speaking, I understand his perspective. I don't require assistance in managing my personal affairs, nor do I desire emotional support, prefer to earn more money than him, seldom ask for advice, and tend to tackle issues before he's even aware of them. It's no surprise that he may feel unnecessary or dispensable in our relationship. After all, when you don't feel needed, it's easy to be replaced.


8. … And In A Way, He Might Just Be Right

It's true that I don't rely on him, but I still desire to be with him. He's far from dispensable, but my self-sufficiency means that any relationship can be abruptly ended if necessary. It's simpler for me to maintain my strength than to allow our lives to become interwoven, as doing so puts everything I've built at risk. This isn't my boyfriend's fault, though.


9. Relying On Someone Else Is A Vulnerability I'm Not Ready To Show

Although I know I can depend on him, I choose not to. Relying on him makes me feel vulnerable because if he were to leave, I fear that he could exploit that dependency to hurt me. As someone who refuses to let a man bring me down, I prefer to maintain my independence to the point of extremity. I understand that he may not appreciate this level of independence, but I feel it's necessary to protect myself from potential harm.