I had been dating this guy for about a month and really enjoyed our time together. He had all the qualities I was looking for and we had a strong connection. However, I noticed that I was always the one who initiated contact with him through texting. This made me worry about what would happen if I stopped initiating, so I decided to test it out. Unfortunately, the results were exactly what I expected (but hoped they wouldn't be).
1. I Didn't Hear From Him For A Week
I realized that I was the one putting in all the effort in the relationship and he wasn't making an effort to communicate with me. It made me question if he was as invested in the relationship as I was. It was a wake-up call and I decided to reassess the dynamic of our relationship.
2. He Asked Why I'd Been So Quiet
I stopped reaching out to him and it took a week for him to notice and reach out to me. His lack of effort made me realize I was low on his list of priorities. When he asked why I hadn't been in touch, I couldn't help but wonder if he was really worth my time. The experience showed me that it's important for both parties to make an effort in a relationship.
3. He Liked Being Chased
I had been pursuing this guy intensely without realizing it. I would contact him every two days or less. It was foolish of me and he was fortunate to have me interested in him without having to make any effort. He never made the relationship more serious because he didn't feel enough attraction towards me. Taking a break from him made it obvious to me that he wasn't interested.
4. I'd Been The Queen Of Pathetic Texts
Going through old text conversations with this guy made me feel embarrassed. I had a habit of sending him "What are you up to?" texts, which made me appear desperate. I would often send these texts when he wasn't responding to me. I also noticed that I was often the one trying to keep the conversation going when he had already lost interest. I won't be doing that anymore!
5. I Decided To Give Him What He Gave Me And Nothing More
I made the difficult decision to only respond to him when he initiated contact. I also began communicating with him in the same style that he used with me. For instance, he never expressed excitement about seeing me when we made plans to hang out, so I stopped doing that as well. I stopped using smiley face emoticons and sometimes replied with just one word, just like he did. Mimicking his communication style showed me how little effort he had been putting into our interaction, and I realized that I had been accepting this lack of effort from him.
6. He Was Chilled While I Was Chasing
I had been putting in a lot of effort to maintain our connection through our conversations, but it seemed like I was the only one making an effort. He was very laid-back and just going with the flow. When I stopped contacting him, he noticed my absence, but it took him seven days to get in touch with me, which indicated that he didn't feel a significant impact on his life. It was clear that he didn't care much about our relationship.
7. I Stopped Replying To His Messages
The realization was a major wakeup call for me, so I decided to completely cut off all communication again, even if he initiated contact this time. It was very difficult to do. He would send me kind messages and I had to force myself to ignore them or turn off my phone and leave it at home to avoid the temptation to reply.
8. He Pulled Out All The Stops
It may seem strange, but when I stopped responding to him and talking to him, he made more of an effort. He even called me a few times, which I ignored. It seemed that he was only interested in maintaining our relationship now that he was afraid of losing me, and unfortunately, I fell for it.
9. I Believed His Lies
I hoped that he had learned from his mistakes and would try to be a better person, and that perhaps he had realized how much he cared about me and would make more of an effort. However, it is often the case that a man who has hurt a woman and then manages to win her back does not change his ways; he only learns that he can hurt her and get away with it.
10. The Cycle Repeated Itself
I began texting him again and he gave me a lot of attention for a few days. However, he soon returned to his previous behavior, taking a long time to reply to my messages or not contacting me at all when he didn't feel like it. It was frustrating, but I was more upset with myself than with him.
11. I Broke It Off For Good
I learned my lesson with this untrustworthy man and this time I followed through on my plan to cut off all contact with him. It was foolish of me to stay in a relationship where I was only receiving scraps of attention from him, because I deserved so much more. Without the distraction of his texts, I was able to focus on my own life and put my energy into relationships and activities that were healthier for me.
12. Taking A Step Back Is So Important And I'm Glad I Did It
Sometimes, when I take a step back and view my relationships objectively, they appear very different than when I am in them. Examining this relationship from a distance allowed me to see what I was really dealing with and how much of a time-waster he was, which helped me make the decision to end things with him permanently.
If You've Always Texted Him First, Here's Why You Should Stop Messaging That Guy
My experiment helped me realize that by consistently initiating contact with this guy, I was enabling his bad behavior. Additionally, I was undervaluing myself and wasting valuable time and energy by holding on to someone who was clearly not as interested in me as I was in him (or not interested enough to take any action to pursue the relationship).
Having gone through that experience, I have learned some valuable lessons about men and love that may be helpful if you find yourself in a similar situation. Here are a few things to consider the next time you feel the urge to send multiple texts to a guy who hasn't responded to you in a while.
1. If He Was Interested, You'd Hear From Him
This is the most important thing to consider. A man who truly likes you and values your presence in his life will make an effort to stay in touch with you. Even if he is very busy at work or has a lot going on, he will find time to send you a quick message, even if it's just a short "Hey, things are really hectic right now. How are you doing?" If you are not receiving this kind of communication (or if you are the one who has to initiate contact first), it is a clear indication that he is not interested in the relationship.
2. You're Setting A Really Bad Precedent
If you are the one who always initiates text conversations and he only responds when it is convenient for him, you are creating an imbalanced dynamic in the relationship. You are essentially showing him that you are willing to put in all the effort and that you are okay with carrying the weight of the conversation and the relationship with minimal effort from him. Is that really the kind of relationship you want to be in?
3. He's Not Adding Anything To The Relationship
In addition to the previous point, what do you gain from a relationship with a man who only responds to your communication and doesn't seem particularly excited to hear from you? This type of relationship is unlikely to bring you happiness, appreciation, or a sense of being desired. It is a waste of time and can lead to a loss of dignity. It is important to move on before you invest any more of your time and self-respect in this relationship.
4. He's Taking You For Granted
If you are always the one who initiates contact, the man becomes accustomed to this dynamic and begins to expect it. He takes your effort and interest for granted because he has not done anything to earn it and does not have to put in much effort to maintain it. As a result, you will always feel unappreciated because you are not being valued in the relationship.
5. He Obviously Has Other Things (or People) On His Mind
If he is not willing to make an effort to reach out to you first, it is clear that he is focusing his attention on other things or potentially other people. It is unrealistic to expect to be the center of someone's world, but it only takes a few seconds to send a quick text message. If he is not willing to do even this small action, it is worth considering what he is willing to put effort into.
6. He Doesn't Respect You Or Your Time
You have many things going on in your own life. You may have a fulfilling career (or be working towards one), a supportive and loving family, a great group of friends, hobbies and passions that bring you joy. In other words, you have a full and rich life and are not just sitting around waiting to talk to this man. The fact that you make time to check in with him because you like him is a valuable gesture, and the fact that he cannot do the same demonstrates that he does not respect you or your time. You deserve to be with a man who values you and your time.
Even though it may be tempting to continue texting him in the hope of making progress, it is important to stop. His lack of communication is a clear indication of how he feels, and it is not positive. You cannot change his mind or wear him down, and you should not want to. You are amazing as you are and there is someone out there who will not wait for you to initiate contact. He will make an effort to reach out to you before you have the chance.