In every part of this world, there are people who know how to destroy other human beings. Their victims often live with the trauma, and we don't do much to help.
Actually, it is much worse than that. Most times, without knowing it, we victimize these survivors people and compound their psychological trauma.
Narcissists, Psychopaths, And Sociopaths Know How To Destroy Other People
Today, thousands of people in the world live their lives as their victims, not knowing how to dig themselves out of the situation and live normal lives.
But though they got away from these toxic people, they continue to suffer secondary abuse from their loved ones, therapists, and even law enforcers.
The society comes together to invalidate their trauma and add to it.
But we should give these people support so they can get their lives back. At least that's our intention. But instead, we gaslight them. This makes it harder for them to heal.
Some Of Us Even Blame These Victims And Shame Them
There are even those who will deny that these people went through this kind of pain.
Deep down, we are good people and we mean well.
The way we associate with gaslighting survivors needs to change.
We Hurt These People For Lack Of Knowledge
We might unknowingly lead them to personal ruin. Some therapists will even misdiagnose narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath victims and convince them they have PTSD.
We need to understand where these people are coming from. The people who abused them and caused them all this pain were devoid of empathy and remorse. They should not get the same treatment from us.
Here's how we can help.
1. Don't Call It A Bad Breakup
Because it's not, the person did not end up as they did because there were compatibility issues. Being a victim of narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths is not normal. And we should stop treating it like it is.
These people came face to face with human predators. They were exploited and used when all they wanted was to share the best of themselves with a fellow human being.
The people who abused them were not just being difficult or incompatible. They were out to hurt their partners because it served their personal interests and that's all they ever cared about.
So, the problems these people went through should not be minimized. Their pain is very real.
2. Making The Victims Feel Guilty
Many loved ones and law enforcers wonder why the abuse victims are reluctant to press charges. But how could they? They were in love with their abusers. There was a deep emotional connection that makes suing them one of the hardest things ever.
When we do not convince the victims to press charges, we often make them feel guilty. For instance, we might tell them that the next person who suffers at the hands of their former abusers is their responsibility. That is not fair, and it only adds to their pain and trauma.
Also, telling them, they should have gotten over the trauma by now makes them feel guilty and forces them to hide their pain, which hampers their healing.
3. Asking Them To Heal Quickly
We all heal at different paces. And yes, some people can heal quickly. But others need to take their time, especially people who have been victims of abuse for much longer. These people need to get their minds right once more after suffering a distorted sense of reality for so long.
It's not that these people cannot "let go" and "move on." Understand that the pain they feel is still very deep.
Eventually, reality will dawn on them, and move on with their lives without the trauma affecting their lives. But you have to give them time.
And while we wait for that to happen, let us not judge them by letting them feel like they are broken. One day they will be whole again. Help them towards that.
4. Telling The Victim The Abuser Was Actually A Good Person
To the outside people, narcissists and other abusers are very charming and likable. They can even trick law enforcers and therapists into thinking they are good people. It's what they do.
That is why some professionals are often convinced that the victims have them all wrong. That they probably misunderstood the intentions these people had.
But you don't really know what happened to their victims behind closed doors.
So, when you tell them that their abusers are good people, you are unknowingly taking their place.
What's the lesson here?
Know how to deal with victims of abuse after their relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths end. Don't gaslight them further by blaming them, asking them to heal quickly, making them feel guilty, or by defending their abusers to them. They have already been through enough of that—no need to re-traumatize them once more.