At times, despite your best efforts, relationships naturally come to an end. You wake up one day and realize that things have changed and you cannot reignite the lost spark. The person who once brought you immense joy no longer does so. You know it's time to break the news to him that you no longer have feelings for him, but you're wondering how to do it without causing him too much pain. Here's how to break up with him as smoothly as possible.
1. Prepare What You're Going To Say In Advance
Unfortunately, breaking up with someone is bound to be an uncomfortable and painful experience. If you're unprepared, you may say things that you later regret. It's better to take some time to sort through your emotions and prepare yourself for his reaction. What do you want to convey to him? Why are you ending things with him? Practice what you plan to say a few times before initiating the conversation to avoid getting tongue-tied.
2. Do It In Person
Unless you have genuine reasons to believe that your boyfriend may turn violent, he deserves to be informed in person that the relationship is over. Although it may be tempting to hide behind a text or phone call, it's impersonal and a little cruel. While the conversation may be difficult for you, it's probably going to be a lot harder on him. Breaking the news in person can make it easier for both of you to come to terms with the situation.
3. Choose A Private And Comfortable Setting
As the one initiating the break-up, you hold a certain advantage in the situation. It's important to even the playing field by selecting a location for the conversation that is comfortable for your partner. Unless you have concerns for your safety, it should be a private location, preferably one that is quiet and calm. A space where you can speak honestly, cry, vent, or simply sit together is ideal.
4. Express How You Feel As Clearly As Possible
Rather than delivering the blow that you no longer love him, try explaining the evolution of your feelings. Describe why you believe things aren't working out and that you don't feel capable of being the partner he deserves. Be truthful about what you are experiencing. Even if it is difficult, it's better than providing a vague or insincere explanation.
5. Be Polite But Firm
Resist the urge to list every mistake your partner has made that may have contributed to the situation. Remember, the goal is to end the relationship, not to destroy his self-esteem. Be compassionate and gentle. Aim to conclude things on a positive note. If you appreciated the time you spent together, express your gratitude. Listen to his response and be as understanding as possible.
6. Stick To Your Decision
He may plead with you to reconsider your decision and give your relationship another chance, but you need to remain steadfast. Allow him to express his emotions, whether it be anger, denial, or bargaining, while you remain calm. Remember why you made the decision to leave. Though you may feel guilty, trust your instincts and do what is best for you.
7. Don't Say More Than Is Necessary
You are not obligated to provide a detailed explanation of what went wrong in the relationship, and doing so will not change anything. Just because he may want to know the reasons behind your loss of affection and how it happened does not mean you have to respond. Unless you wish to reconcile and continue dating, simply stating that it is no longer working for you should suffice.
8. Try Not To Assign Blame
Assigning blame can quickly escalate the situation and lead to resentment and bitterness. Ending a relationship is already difficult, so there is no need to add more negative emotions. Instead, use neutral language that suggests no one is to blame. If he tries to shift the blame, let him know that it is unproductive.
9. Embrace Your Feelings About The Breakup
Even if you're the one ending the relationship, breakups can be devastating. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and sad, and it's important to acknowledge those emotions. Show him that the relationship meant something to you and that you're not ending it lightly. Don't try to hide your feelings or pretend that you don't care.
10. Don't Give Him False Hope
If you're certain that a reunion with him is impossible, don't lead him on by implying that it's a possibility. This would be unkind and unfair to him. Instead, be frank and open about your intentions. Don't provide him with the notion that there may be a chance for you to get back together later on when you know there isn't. If the relationship is beyond repair, make it apparent. Rip off the bandage completely and be done with it.
11. Resist The Urge To Offer Your Hand In Friendship
I have wanted to physically harm every ex who suggested being friends after a breakup, so I know firsthand that he won't appreciate that offer. He likely wants to be with you romantically, not just platonically. Trying to console him by suggesting friendship will not work, so it's best not to bring it up. Instead, give him the space and time to come to terms with the breakup and heal. If a friendship naturally develops in the future, that's great, but don't force it if it doesn't feel right.