Life would be simpler and less painful if it were possible to switch off your feelings for someone who doesn't care about you. But just because you can't pretend to stop loving someone, doesn't mean you have to dwell on your emotions and spend time thinking about them while they live their own life. It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. Here are some ways to stop missing someone who you know is not good for you.
1. Replace Positives With Negatives
It's generally beneficial to emphasize the positive aspects of a situation and replace negative thoughts with them. However, when it comes to moving on from someone who is clearly toxic, the opposite is true. Instead of dwelling on positive memories of them, you should focus on the negative ones. For instance, if you catch yourself reminiscing about how charming and romantic they were, remind yourself that they could also be rude and hurtful. This will reinforce the notion in your mind that they're not flawless and not the right fit for you.
2. Think about what you need
Be truthful with yourself by considering the qualities you desire in a lifelong partner. Then, evaluate if the guy you were with possessed those attributes. If he didn't, it's apparent that he wasn't the right match for you. Keep this checklist accessible so that you can review it periodically.
3. Nip jealousy in the bud
It's simple to start feeling down and longing for the guy when you observe on Facebook or Instagram that he has a new partner who appears to be perfectly happy. However, it's crucial to remember that this guy is likely to treat her in the same negative way he treated you. Therefore, don't be deceived by what you see on social media, which is often not an accurate representation of reality.
4. Distract yourself in a good way
When thoughts of the guy resurface, avoid the temptation to numb yourself with alcohol or sappy love songs that worsen your mood. Instead, seek out positive distractions that are worthwhile and motivate you to move forward towards better things, such as setting a new life goal.
5. Think back to other bad times
When feeling down, it can be helpful to reflect on past difficult situations you've overcome, whether they were personal struggles or challenging relationships. Recognizing that you have endured tough times before can provide reassurance that you will also recover from this heartbreak. It may take some time to fill the void left by the guy with new experiences, but you have the strength to do so.
6. Phone A Friend
If your best friend was the one you used to confide in whenever the guy upset you, she likely remembers how toxic he was. Reach out to her when you're missing him and feeling low, as she can remind you of your worth and set you on the right path. She'll help you recognize that you deserve much better than the way he treated you.
7. Think about how much time you wasted
Life is brief, so why invest it in someone who isn't reciprocating your efforts? This is a surefire way to waste your time and your life. Consider how much time you dedicated to dating and getting to know that guy. Keep this figure somewhere visible, like on your fridge, as it can serve as a reminder that you're squandering even more time on him.
8. Reclaim your spark
Revitalizing your life with a new hobby, haircut, or friend can be the key to reigniting your passion and enthusiasm for the future. Not only will it help distract you from missing him, but doing something new that wasn't part of your life when he was in it can be incredibly empowering. It feels like you're breaking away from him and entering into something exhilarating and invigorating.
9. Let the feelings come… but keep them in check
Allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions without suppressing them. Don't try to push them away as it may intensify them. However, don't let them consume you for an indefinite period; otherwise, you'll spend too much time wallowing in sadness. Give yourself permission to feel angry, anxious, or sad about the guy for an hour, then redirect your attention to other things. By doing so, you can process your emotions without letting them overwhelm you.
10. Ask yourself: is he missing you?
It's natural to miss the guy, but take a moment to reflect on whether he misses you. If you see that he's having a good time on social media or if you know he's incapable of caring for anyone other than himself, this realization should snap you back to the fact that your feelings and energy are better spent elsewhere. There are far better things for you to direct your attention and emotions towards than someone who isn't capable of reciprocating them.
