I've got some juicy, juicy gossip on the town to share with you ladies out there. It's really groundbreaking stuff. Like, the CIA wish they were in the know like I am. Are you sat down and grounded to this mortal coil? Ready?
Guys like attention just as much as we do
I know. It's crazy. A win for gender equality champions everywhere. We love to see it. But the long and short of it is that guys are just the same as we are. By and large, we're all human beings and we all need emotional validation from time to time. It's true.
We all know the plot of Romeo and Juliet. Here's a quick guide for those less literary among us: boy meets girl, they fall madly in love, they die for each other. It all could have been avoided.
It's the greatest tragedy ever written, for some
Yet it's also Shakespeare's best love story. How's that? Love and tragedy? They're like the evil stepsisters of any good fairy-tale. Ever-present serves a narrative purpose, inflicts lots of hurt and jealousy. Rinse and repeat.
Okay, so I'm not quite so cynical as all of that would indicate, but there is a difference between being madly in love and being maddeningly in love. The first is all about what you want from the other person and the hint of heaven that they offer you, and how you can achieve that. On the other hand, being maddeningly in love is compulsive. You are probably in more long-term relationships that have seen the test of time and you still know where you stand with each other.
More than that, though, the levels of intimacy have transcended all that you thought possible. Physically, emotionally, symbolically, and, yes, spiritually, even. You can watch an episode of Orange Is the New Black together and not cringe or be awkward about the explicit bits. It's one of those things we start with communal watching with the parents with that feeling of shame baked in that we never quite grow out of.
Until these moments, of course
Guys, I'm going to level with you. Clicking on this article was the first step to emotional availability and an eternally fulfilling relationship. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a tad, but you're in the right place, for sure.
As such, I've got some tea to spill. Are you comfortably sat down? Because I'm about to rock your world.
Girls aren't as complicated as you like to think we are
We are just as confused by your messages as you are about ours
In short – no one has the foggiest how to flirt in this day and age, but we're all blinding stumbling through together trying to form connections and bump uglies. Sorry, that noughties slang was unwarranted, but I wanted to see if it had aged well. Suffice it to say. It hadn't.
Having a significant other is great
Having great friends is also fabulous. In short, having people that love you is like drinking hot chocolate and watching Friends reruns. You feel all warm and toasty inside and can probably feel your heart lurching forward and growing three sizes. Affirmations of love are the best things since sliced bread, but the really surprising fact remains that they don't even need to cost a penny.
You don't even need to spend hours planning!
Playing hard to get
Smiling all the time – even when she thinks you aren't looking
Sending you memes – the fact that you're on her mind is amazing news, and even more so that she's proud enough of you for all her Facebook feed to see your fledgling relationship bloom too! Plus, puppies and cute content – it's a win-win situation!
She winks or bites her lip. She knows exactly what she's doing. You won't quite know how to stand straight after she whips this out. It's just science. Don't question it. Absorb that feeling!
We all get those moments in the rom-com when the endearing nerd stereotype tries to talk to the Popular/Plastic generic male fantasy wish-fulfillment self-insert here and you cringe with second-hand embarrassment. And I mean, the proper stuff. Like, close your eyes-put a pillow in front of your head, 'pause the film' because it's so agonising. Yes, we all are well familiar with cringe. And no, none of us ever really learn how to talk to our crush.
Oh, but how we try!
And finally, to the ladies out there, subtly sending out these signals…