Once the cake has been cut and eaten, the beautiful wedding photos have been framed, and the wedding video has been watched, re-watched and put away, the reality of being married sets in. That is how some couples end up realizing they need skills on how to save a marriage they thought would be an eternally blissful arrangement.
Many people are well aware that about half of all marriages in the West end up in divorce, and we have to wonder why this is so. Why is it that marriages fail so regularly when the intention is usually to make them last forever?
The problem might be that even though most people know how to get into marriage, very few understand what it takes to remain there.
So, here are tips on how to save a marriage and keep it alive. After all, the best way to deal with divorce is to avoid it.
1. Deal With Problems As Soon As They Emerge
Many couples make the mistake of paying attention to marital issues only when they can't be ignored any longer. When things are already feeling hopeless, it's often too late to save a marriage.
To ensure your marriage remains on the right path, make sure you deal with problems as soon as they become apparent. That often takes a lot of communication.
A lot of people would have saved their marriages if they acted early enough. So, if finances or any other issue is turning into a problem, deal with it together as soon as possible.
2. To Save A Marriage, You Have To Learn To Take Responsibility
Marriage is a partnership, which means you have to understand that sometimes, you have a role to play in that union. If you focus so much on blaming your partner, then your matrimony might fail.
If you made things worse, then learn to understand how you contributed to that problem. Also, don't take all the blame, as that will make you feel inferior in that union and make it suffer.
Therefore, you have to avoid the temptation to be always on the defense.
3. Understand That You Are Still Different People
Even if you are a couple, it does not mean you share the same mind. When most people argue in partnerships, the goal is to prove they are right, not to ensure a happy union.
The question is: why does being right matter if you will end up unhappy?
So, understand that your opinions and perspectives about things will vary. With that knowledge, you should leave some allowance for your partner to have a different point of view on some issues.
An easy way to understand things is to try and put yourself in your partner's shoes, and then you will find out that they are not as absurd as they sound after all. Focusing on proving that their words are wrong will quickly result in your marriage breaking down.
That said, learn to pick your battles. Petty battles will not get you anywhere as a couple.
Also, learn to have a sense of humor and never stop flirting with your partner.
4. Be A Good Listener
Talking does more harm than listening, and that is something many couples need to realize. On the other hand, being a good listener is an excellent way of dealing with many minor issues in relationships.
So, don't always focus on making sure your partner understands your point and sees how right you are. Sometimes, what your partner needs is someone considerate and caring, not an adversary.
When your partner is pouring their heart out, try not to interrupt.
5. Know Your Priorities To Know How To Save Your Marriage
As long as you are married, your marriage needs to be a huge priority if it is to work. You cannot be married and act like a single person and expect the union to work out.
So, other things need to come after your marriage, including many other things in your life, including your friends and other interests. Obviously, you don't have to give up on your passions, but you should always ensure your marriage is always a priority.
Unless your partner sees that you are making your relationship a priority, they might not think you are serious about it.
6. Make Sure You Work On The Three Pillars Of A Marriage
A strong marriage is based on three pillars, which are 1) emotional connection, 2) intimate connection, and 3) attraction alignment. Marriage with all three pillars is a happy and healthy one, and when it has two, it is considered a good marriage.
In fact, a marriage can get by with just one pillar.
When you lack emotional connection, you will feel disconnected from your partner, which shows that you focus on what you don't like about them. You can work on this by changing the tone of your voice and being a little more thoughtful and considerate.
Learn to appreciate what your partner does and focus on what you like instead of what you hate about your marriage.
The second pillar, intimate connection, is just as important, and it has a significant impact on emotional connection. Without it, there will be a loss of desire between you two.
It is also essential to understand how men and women view sex. Without sex, men fail to feel like there is love and affection in the relationship.
For women, sex indicates that you share an emotional connection. Dysfunctional sex life can result in affairs and broken marriages.
The third pillar, attraction alignment, means never feeling a loss of attraction towards your partner. This means trying to maintain the things that your partner loves about you to uphold their respect and interest towards you.
When you start changing, the attraction can begin to change, and that can strain a marriage. So, learn to change things up and introduce novelty into your marriage in a way that keeps your partner interested.
7. Focus On Spending Time With People In Healthy Relationship
The people you spend your time with have a considerable impact on who you are. So, if you want a successful marriage, learn to spend time with people in successful marriages.
When you see friends and family members in happy marriages, you will have greater motivation to do your own work. More importantly, you will see all the countless ways your marriage can work out.
Spending time around people who are pessimistic about marriage will make it feel like marriage is hell, and that can result in a failed marriage.
8. Involve A Marriage Counselor
A lot of arguments in a marriage can ultimately result in a lot of hatred and an inability to solve the marriage issues by yourself. Couples need a lot of positive experiences to be happy.
Unfortunately, many men tend to think that seeking help is a sign of weakness.
However, if the marriage is not working out as well as it should, getting someone else involved is a good option, and couples need to embrace marriage counseling wholeheartedly.
In any case, divorces are more expensive than marriage therapy, and many marriages are genuinely worth saving.
9. Learn To Compromise To Save A Marriage
Most fights in marriages can be solved through compromise. Sometimes, you should let your partner have their way, and at other times, they should allow you to have your way.
If you decide that you will always have your way in a marriage, it will inevitably fail. Marriage requires some give and take.
10. Learn To Keep Arguments Short
Married couples don't get along because they agree on everything. However, although there will be fights here and there, it is crucial to ensure that arguments don't go on and on.
One trick you can use is to ensure any arguments are quelled as soon as possible. Otherwise, such arguments can degenerate into something much worse.
Anger can destroy a good thing, and it can quickly lead to a breakup or an abusive relationship. Remember, in arguments, everyone ends up looking bad.
Finally, always fight fair. Don't attack your partner on things they cannot change about themselves, such as their personality or appearance.
11. Beat Additcions
If you have an addiction, then the odds are that it will put a massive strain on your marriage. You might be addicted to alcohol, drugs, or habits that make union less sustainable.
In any case, addictions can have a huge say in how successful you are as a person. Addictions don't just destroy marriages but lives as well.
12. Make Up Your Mind To Save Your Marriage
Attitude can make a vast difference between a healthy and a failed marriage. If you don't believe your marriage can be saved, then it might not have a chance.
Believing in your marriage is one of the best things you can do to ensure it survives. It can be challenging to focus on saving your marriage when you are only thinking about divorce.
13. If You Want To Save A Marriage Easily, Be Observant
All marriages are different, and the fact is that each person's partner is different from any other married person in the world. So, you have to be attentive and notice things that might introduce cracks in your marriage.
That entails understanding things that make your partner happy and things that might take away their joy and make them less satisfied in the marriage.
Experts also recommend that you avoid four main behaviors if you want your marriage to work: contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness.
14.Talk About The Issues In Your Marriage
Communication is essential in any relationship, and we are not only referring to having verbal conversations. Communication takes many forms, and a gesture can say things words could ever express.
So, let your partner know you value and treasure them, and if words fail, then show them. Also, when there is an issue affecting your marriage, discuss it with your partner.
However, make sure that the goal is not to know who is to blame for the problem. If you make a problem bigger than your marriage, the problem will win, and you might lose your marriage.
Issues should be discussed with some neutrality, with the focus being the success of the relationship.
15. Don't Bottle Your Feelings Thinking It'll Help Save A Marriage That's Failing
When trying to save a marriage, it can be tempting to hold back your feelings out of fear that expressing them might make things worse. However, marital success is based on understanding, and without expressing yourself, you cannot be understood.
So, be honest about how you feel, and encourage your partner to do the same. Unexpressed feelings turn into even more significant issues, which is why expressing your feelings is such a great way to keep your marriage afloat.
16. Understand Love Language
Love is many things, and in marriage, you have to see love as a language. Your marriage may fail simply because you don't know how to express the love you feel to your partner.
According to experts, love has five languages, and they are: saying words of affirmation and reassurance, spending quality time together, exchanging gifts, physical intimacy, and using small gestures of love that make it clear that you love and cherish your partner.
Different people prefer a specific love language over another. So, it's up to you to understand what your partner loves above everything else and use it to your advantage.
17. Lead By Example
To keep your marriage from failing, showing your partner how it's done might do the trick. For instance, if your partner never takes responsibility for their mistakes, you can start to take responsibility for your own.
Similarly, if you never seem to appreciate or respect your partner, you can start doing so. Such examples can make your partner rethink the direction of your marriage and help keep it from falling.
18. To Save A Marriage, Try To Remember How It All Started
Getting married is something people seriously think about before they tie the knot. There is often a reason someone decides to commit themselves to another human being for eternity.
Remembering these reasons and being grateful for achieving this goal can help you fight harder for your failing marriage. The best part about this is that you can also remind your partner how you started and the things that made you so crazy for each other that you wanted to spend a life together.
Ask yourself if the marriage you have is the marriage you planned on having before you got started. If not, try to find out why and fix the issue.
19. Don't Try To Be Perfect
Nobody is perfect, regardless of how pure your intentions might be. Everyone has flaws, including your one and only.
So, acknowledge that you have limits, and stop expecting your spouse to be perfect. Once you understand your weaknesses, you can work on them and improve your marriage and the satisfaction it brings you.
20. Go Out
Some of the most memorable times couples recall about their relationship are those they spent going out together. During such moments, you could talk about anything for hours without feeling judged.
Recreating such moments might offer you the perfect opportunity to resolve the issues plaguing your marriage and keep it from falling apart.
Ideally, you should go out about once a week to keep the spark in your relationship alive.
21. To Save A Marriage, You Have To Be Realistic
Unfortunately, as emotional as rom-com can be, they have misled many people into thinking that their partners have the responsibility of making them feel complete. The truth is that you should be complete on your own so that you don't become a burden for your partner.
So, learn to work on yourself and achieve your personal goals instead of unfairly blaming your failures on your partner. Don't buy into what television shows and movies tell you, and rather deal with the realities of your relationship.
22. Don't Take Your Partner For Granted
After spending some years with someone, it is easy to assume you have completely figured them out. However, that is not the truth.
This can result in you making wrong assumptions about your partner, resulting in misunderstandings that can cause the marriage to break down.
So, if you want to know something about your partner, ask them instead of assuming. Make an effort to learn more about your partner every day, and it might just be what you need to save your marriage.
Another way to ensure that your partner does not feel you take them for granted is to appreciate what they do for you and the marriage.
23. Have A Similar Vision Of The Future To Save A Marriage That's Failing
One of the keys to a solid and healthy marriage is having similar goals. You should talk to your partner about where you want to be in the future.
For instance, you should discuss how you want to raise your kids, how you want your professional lives to turn out, and so on.
If you don't discuss these things, it's easy to assume you are both ending in opposite directions, which might introduce cracks in your marriage.
24. Find Out What's Working And What's Not
A closer look at your relationship can help you understand where your marriage is suffering and where it's thriving. Obviously, most failed marriages were not 100 percent bad.
It is just that during arguments, the focus is often on things that are not working out.
Looking at things that are going great can help you understand where you need to focus your energy to ensure your marriage survives the rocky times.
That might be as simple as remembering the good times you had together and trying to recreate them.
25. Don't Give Up Too Soon
Granted, not every marital issue can be fixed. However, with determination, you can still save your marriage, put the challenges behind you, move on with your life, and find happiness.
So, don't give up too soon, even if you don't agree on everything. There is such thing as agreeing to disagree.
All you need to save a marriage is to remain committed to making your marriage work.
Something You Should Know When Trying To Save A Marriage
As noble as saving a marriage is, it is essential to understand a couple of things about this process to avoid everyday problems. For instance, some people think they can single-handedly save their failing marriages.
While that is possible, it is a tedious undertaking that can be pretty draining. So, learn to work with your partner by understanding that your relationship has issues that need fixing.
Otherwise, with these tips at your disposal, making your marriage work should be a lot easier, even if you are going through a bit of a rough patch.