Hooking up with a friend, whether it was a drunken mistake or the result of a longstanding flirtation, can have significant consequences for your relationship. From this point forward, there are a variety of directions that your relationship may take. Here are some suggestions for how you can try to preserve your friendship after engaging in a romantic or sexual encounter with a previously platonic friend.
1. It Depends On The Type Of Hookup
"Hooking up" is a term that is used to describe a range of intimate behaviors, from kissing to sexual intercourse. While kissing a friend may not necessarily ruin a friendship, engaging in sexual activity with a friend can have significant consequences and may change the dynamic of the relationship in a significant way. It can be difficult to return to a purely platonic relationship after crossing that boundary.
2. Talk It Out Until You Can't Anymore
Effective communication is crucial in addressing the situation and attempting to repair the friendship. Don't let too much time pass before addressing the issue, as assumptions and misunderstandings can easily arise. Remember that honest and open communication takes time, especially when emotions are involved. It's okay to take breaks and resume the conversation when you're both ready.
3. Give It Time
It's not always possible to force a resolution to a difficult situation, and sometimes, trying to talk through the issue can only make things more complicated. It can be helpful to give each other space to process and reflect on the situation, rather than trying to immediately fix everything. With time, you may gain a clearer understanding of your feelings, the situation, and your own needs.
4. Figure Out Why It Happened
It's important, to be honest, and examine the events leading up to the hookup. Consider if there were any hints or signs that something romantic or sexual might happen. Understanding the motivations behind the hookup can help you and your friend determine the best way to move forward and address the future of your friendship.
5. Don't Hook Up Again Until You're On The Same Page
If you engage in a hookup and don't communicate about it, there is a risk that you will continue to repeat the behavior without addressing the underlying issues. This can be especially true if the hookup was enjoyable and both parties are interested in continuing. If you don't discuss the hookup and instead start hooking up regularly, it can lead to the sexual aspect of the relationship becoming the dominant feature, which may make it difficult or impossible to return to a purely platonic friendship. This can lead to both parties feeling used and misunderstood. It's important to have open and honest communication to avoid these types of issues.
6. If You Want To Be Friends With Benefits, Don't Fall Into It
Maintaining a friendship while also engaging in a casual sexual relationship can be challenging. It's important to have open and honest communication and establish clear boundaries from the start. If you decide to pursue this type of arrangement, it's essential to have realistic expectations and be prepared for any potential difficulties that may arise.
7. Be Respectful Of Each Other's Emotions
It's not uncommon for people to have different feelings about a hookup. One person might not think it's a big deal, while the other may have a range of emotions about it. It's important to not judge each other or interpret the other person's reaction as a definitive sign that the friendship is over. Instead, it's crucial to have open and honest communication and to respect each other's perspectives. It's possible to move forward and continue the friendship, but it requires understanding and empathy from both parties.
8. If One Of You Has Feelings For The Other, You Can't Be Friends
If you and your friend have different feelings about the hookup, it may be difficult to maintain a healthy friendship. When one person has romantic feelings and the other does not, it can be challenging for both individuals to be satisfied in the relationship. It may be necessary for both parties to acknowledge and accept that a romantic relationship is not possible for the friendship to continue.
9. Maybe It Can Be The Beginning Of Something New
Many successful and long-lasting relationships indeed begin as friendships. Research has shown that most couples start as friends before transitioning into a romantic relationship. While it can be challenging to move from a friendship to a romance, if both parties have feelings for each other, there is no reason to remain just friends if the relationship has the potential to grow into something more. It's okay to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship and see where it takes you.
10. Sometimes You Can't Save It
Hooking up with a friend can sometimes reveal underlying problems in the relationship that cannot be resolved. It may reveal that one person cares more deeply about the friendship or that sexual tension was a significant factor in the relationship. In some cases, hooking up may expose fundamental incompatibilities that were always present in the friendship.
