Becoming fixated on someone who is clearly not good for you or treating you poorly is far from an ideal situation. However, it can happen to anyone. Sometimes we encounter someone who possesses an intangible quality that makes it difficult to move on, no matter how hard we try, or how often they disappoint us. But today is the day you refuse to be someone's last resort. Here are some ways to let go of your unhealthy fixation and move on from them once and for all.
1. See him for who he really is
When we idolize someone, we tend to overlook their flaws and view them as a flawless, godlike being. Even their imperfections seem attractive, and we may overlook certain things, like zits or burps. However, if you remove them from their pedestal, you'll start to notice their annoying traits, like their shallowness or mispronunciation of words. Over time, they'll appear more human, and their allure will diminish.
2. Enlist your friends to help
In most cases, when you're fixated on someone, your friends likely have negative feelings towards them. Perhaps it's because you frequently complain about them, but more often than not, it's because they've recognized from the start that this person is exploiting you. If you find it challenging to see this person's true nature or feel the urge to contact them, turn to your friends instead. They can help you snap out of your daze and remind you of why this person is harmful to you.
3. Don't let him validate who you are
When you're fixated on someone, you may place too much value on their opinions and disregard others' thoughts. Their perception of you can either devastate you or elevate you to new heights. However, this emotional roller coaster is unhealthy and exhausting. It's time to step off, look at yourself in the mirror, and remind yourself of your worth. You're an amazing person, and if this individual fails to recognize that, it's time to let them go.
4. Disconnect yourself
Disconnecting from someone was simpler in the past when it meant refraining from calling them on the house phone mounted in the kitchen. However, with the convenience of having our crushes just a tap away on our smartphones, it's more crucial than ever to unfriend/unfollow them on all social media platforms. Trust us, you'll still survive without seeing the filtered Instagram photo of his breakfast that he took this morning. Furthermore, you'll save time by not staring at his image, waiting for others to 'like' it first before doing so yourself to avoid appearing too eager. Doesn't that sound pathetic? Disconnect immediately.
5. Remember the bad times too
Instead of focusing only on the instances when he made you feel fantastic, try to recall the moments when he made you feel terrible. We're willing to bet that you have plenty of those stored in your memory bank. Remember the times when he flaked out on you at the last minute or promised to attend your birthday party but never appeared? When you recollect how carelessly he treated your emotions and time, you'll be less inclined to spend your day scrolling through his Facebook page, making it easier for you to move on from him completely.
6. Find someone who makes you feel good about yourself
You don't necessarily have to surround yourself with someone you're romantically attracted to; it could be your family or friends. Spend time with individuals who appreciate your presence, value your time, and enjoy your company. As you do this more frequently, you'll be reminded of how you should be treated. When you feel great, you won't feel compelled to return to the person who makes you feel terrible.
7. Don't make yourself available
Don't make it easy for him to make plans with you, particularly if he wants to do something at the last minute or expects you to go out of your way to meet him. Don't cancel plans with other friends or interrupt what you're doing to cater to his desires. It's impolite and offensive that he expects to be your top priority every time he wants your attention.
8. Trick yourself
If you want to move on from him completely, you'll have to employ some trickery. Use your obsession to your advantage and make a pact that every time you think of him, you must do 25 push-ups or something equally unpleasant. In no time, you'll begin to associate your fixation with the discomfort of a strenuous workout, making it easier to halt your obsessive thoughts in their tracks.
9. Find a distraction
If you want to overcome your obsession with someone, it's important to stop giving it any time. Find a fun hobby to be passionate about, join an exercise class, plan a vacation with friends, start a dog walking service, or anything else that will keep you occupied. When you invest your time in healthy activities, you won't have the time or energy to obsess, and you'll feel much more productive and positive about yourself.
10. Find out what's behind your obsession and fix it
If you're struggling to get over an obsession, it's important to dig deeper and figure out why you've allowed this person to treat you poorly. Often, people become obsessed because they're trying to fill a void or loneliness within themselves. It's important to recognize that no one person can fix those feelings for you. Seek professional help if you need it, and work on building a happier, more fulfilling life for yourself. It takes time and effort, but it's worth it to be free of unnecessary heartache and torment.
11. Recognize your self-worth and hold tight to it
The key here is self-love and self-respect. When you start recognizing your own value and refuse to compromise it, letting go of things that don't serve you becomes easy. You deserve the best, so demand it and you'll find it much easier to move on from him for good.
To Get Over Him For Good, Understand Why You're Hung Up On Him In The First Place
To move on from him and avoid this pattern from repeating, you need to confront your behavior of being super dedicated when you're into someone but struggling to accept when it ends. Understanding why it happens in the first place is crucial.
1. You have a fear of abandonment
If you experienced divorce as a child or had a difficult relationship with a parent, you may have unresolved abandonment issues that are causing you to struggle with letting go of people in your life. Accepting that someone isn't right for you might feel like another loss, making it difficult to detach from the relationship and move on.
2. You're embarrassed about another "failed" relationship
Don't be ashamed of the fact that your relationship ended. Some people might have predicted it, but that doesn't make it a failure. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, focus on what you learned and take those lessons with you. That's how you turn a breakup into a success.
3. Your self-worth is struggling
Perhaps you struggle to let go of your ex because you doubt whether you deserve anything better. When your self-esteem diminishes, you may begin to think that the treatment you receive, regardless of how damaging or harmful it is, is what you deserve. To move on, it's crucial to focus on building yourself up and cultivating an unshakable sense of worth and dignity. With a solid foundation of self-love, you'll become unbreakable.
4. You're change-averse
Change is difficult, especially when you've been in a long-term relationship where your life has revolved around your partner. Breaking up means having to adjust and create a new life for yourself, which can be intimidating. However, it's crucial for your personal growth and evolution to embrace change and move forward.
5. You do truly love him
Ending a relationship doesn't automatically erase your feelings, it's not that simple. You may need closure to move on, but if your ex can't or won't provide it, it's up to you to find it for yourself. It's an important step towards living a happier and healthier life.
If you're looking for additional advice on moving on from a guy, take a look at this video by Taty Cokley: