How To Overcome Imposter Syndrome In Relationships
Published in Sep 2020 / Updated in Aug 2021
Are you unhappy with your success, or the glowing reputation you have? If so, you might be a victim of imposter syndrome. You feel like you undeservedly got where you are through blind luck and not through effort or merit.
The imposter syndrome happens even in relationships. So, how do you overcome the imposter syndrome in relationships?
There is nothing healthy about feeling guilty about your successes. Most people want to celebrate their success stories. And quite a good number of people overestimate how successful, intelligent, or accomplished they are.
So, why do some people feel that they are frauds? Why do they feel like they have deceived the whole world into thinking they are better than they really are?
Why do people underestimate their abilities and feel unworthy of the lives they have worked so hard to create for themselves?
The imposter syndrome can hold people back. And it can result in a vicious cycle of self-sabotage, all to bring themselves down to the “right level.”
If you realize your partner always speaks negatively about their successes, and feels undeserving of their successes, then know that they suffer from the imposter syndrome.
Below are some things you can do to ensure this attitude does not ruin your relationship.
Teach Yourself/Your Partner To Accept Failure And Mistakes
People who are too hard on themselves to the point of thinking they don’t deserve success often take mistakes or failures too seriously. That is something you should work on.
Work on ridding yourself of the perception that successful people never make mistakes. Realize that people can be raging successes even after making terrible and potentially dream-shattering mistakes in their lives.
Just because you failed one exam, it does not mean you should fail the entire course. Just because you had a breakdown along the way, it does not mean you have not completed the journey successfully.
You need to see that mistakes and failures are not always determinants of successes. Success can be relative.
In many instances, failure is not always linked to success, several other factors also play a role. In fact, experts say that the road to success is paved with failures.
To be a success, you don’t have to succeed in everything you have ever done up until that point in your life.
Making this important realization goes a long way in helping resolve the imposter syndrome.
But as long as you think one small failure makes you undeserving of any reward, the imposter syndrome will continue to cripple your life and relationship.
Overcome Your Fear Of Success
Practically everyone claims to want success. But subconsciously, a lot of us suffer from the fear of success.
Success is uncharted and dreaded territory; some people don’t think they deserve to explore. This mentality causes many partners to end up with the imposter syndrome because they do things that, ironically, make them successful. Strangely, these people are still unwilling to accept the outcome of their actions.
In a relationship, when one partner is suffering from imposter syndrome born of a fear of success, they are likely to keep sabotaging the relationship or the common goals you have as a couple.
This person will panic when people comment on how good your relationship is. From there, they might try to create the impression that you are not doing as well.
That obviously can involve active effort to bring some turbulence to the relationship so that it can seem “normal” rather than the success it really is.
Success should be seen as a positive thing, and when someone feels unworthy of it, they cannot aspire to it, or even seek to sustain it.
So, if you have this problem, learn to see success as a possibility. Realize that if you do things right, the outcome can be successful, and nothing is wrong with it.
The imposter syndrome is partly the reason many people routinely end relationships as soon as they get serious.
Once they realize the relationship might actually turn into a success for these people, they panic and find ways to ruin it because they dread success in relationships.
Changing their mindset about success in relationships or success, in general, can give them the confidence to make what’s working even better and turn it into a success.
Focus On The Positive
It’s easy to overcome imposter syndrome once you accept that life can be good. An easy way to do this is to focus on the positive.
Accepting that things will work out alright, in the end, will make you see greater possibilities of success, even for yourself.
From there, even when you do something, and it turns into a success, you will not feel guilty or ashamed.
The imposter syndrome can hold you back in many ways in a relationship. As a victim of this condition, you can withhold love from your partner. You can also reject the love your partner tries to show you because you feel undeserving of it.
But when you focus on the good and positive things about your life and relationship, you become more accepting of the successes you reap along the way.
You will no longer feel like you are defrauding anyone or taking advantage of people. Your successes will finally register in your mind, and you will accept that you made them happen.
Chance or blind luck will no longer take all the credit for your hard work. You will see yourself as someone capable of making your partner feel loved, happy, and successful. Not like someone who has tricked everyone into thinking you are good enough for them.
Let’s face it; the imposter syndrome is caused by an unhealthy obsession with the negative aspects of your life or relationship.
As soon as that stops and you put your focus on the positive. You will not waste so much of your time thinking of all the ways things could have gone wrong.
Separate Your Feelings From Reality
Ultimately, imposter syndrome is a feeling and not a reality or a fact of life. Your life is a reflection of the effort you have made in your life.
You are successful in your relationship because, subconsciously or not, you made an effort to make it a success. Good relationships don’t just happen, they take effort.
It’s just that your feelings are misaligned with this reality and making you feel like you cut corners somewhere to create a successful relationship you now enjoy.
But the moment you realize that how you feel and the reality of the relationship you have are two very separate things, you will have a better chance of getting rid of the imposter syndrome.
So, focus on the facts. Realize that your partner loves you because you have lots of good qualities. Realize that your partner trusts you because you have always come through for them.
Eventually, you will accept that you actually deserve the relationship you have and all the perks it offers. Once you do that, you will have to overcome imposter syndrome.
But as long as you are afraid of success and regularly feel like you are undeserving of the success you see in your relationship, you will subconsciously find ways to sabotage your achievements.
This can kill even a thriving relationship. So, learn how to overcome imposter syndrome in your relationship. And you will have a better life and relationship.