Breakup recovery can be a long and difficult process. But as long as you know how to move on correctly, you’ll come out stronger and wiser out of any romantic drama.
How To Move On From Love
You used to be so happy together and now it’s over. What’s next? How to move on from something that big?
As soon as you fall out of a relationship, coming back to normal seems impossible because you are used to certain things, such as cuddling through the night and gentle kisses in the morning. And now there won’t be any.
That’s why breakup recovery is almost like getting back on track after a long sickness. It will require strength and patience.
So, where do we start? The very first thing you need to do is make a conscious decision that you are ready and willing to move on. This will not be right after the breakup. Take your time to prepare yourself for what comes next.
You know how after you’ve been walking for a long time, there are moments when you feel like you can’t go any further. But then you take a couple of minutes to sit and rest, and new sources of energy emerge. Suddenly, you are ready for anything.
The same logic applies here: right after the breakup, allow yourself a few days of re-stabilization. Do what you feel like doing — cry, watch rom-coms, listen to John Legend sing about perfect imperfections, and so on.
Once the initial mourning is out of your system, it is time to gather your confidence and prepare to start a new chapter of your life. This begins with a very important stage of how to move on: realistic reflection.
How To Move On From Memories Correctly
We always tend to look back at any part of our history wearing pink glasses. The way human memory works is a lot like a piece of broken rock getting washed over with ocean waters. Edges smooth out, lines get softer.
This type of thinking is fine for the most part, when you remember a passed relative, for example. But in breakup recovery, it may actually be toxic.
The most important part of how to move on is to look back at your relationship realistically. Yes, there were a lot of good, worthy moments. However, there were many painful ones as well.
You can’t change what has already happened. But you can analyze and learn from it. Acknowledging the very human sides of yourself as well as of your ex-partner can help you grow emotionally and become a better person as a result.
Finally, just as you shouldn't idealize the past, the future doesn't need to develop into fantasy either. Step away from dreaming about what would happen if you got back together. Focus on being right here, right now.
Next, it's time to address your inner hater.
Positive Thinking During Breakup Recovery
Ever found yourself thinking: “It was all my fault”, “I was too clingy and annoying” or “I should’ve catered to his every need, not think about myself”? This needs to stop.
In order to master how to move on correctly, begin by learning to think in the right direction. Because, guess what? You are not the monster you might imagine yourself to be.
Life happens. There are ups and downs and this is what actually makes living interesting. This also means that there is no point in blaming yourself for everything that might have gone downhill.
Sometimes you were wrong, and sometimes your ex was. That’s just how it goes.
And no, you won’t be forever alone and you shouldn’t “just give up on relationships altogether”. What you do need is a healthy breakup recovery that will let you put things into perspective and evolve.
So instead of searching for faults in your past behavior, shift to thoughts like: “This wasn’t pleasant, but it’s not the end of the world. I am strong and deserving of love.”
Believe in these words and keep shutting down the pesky negative thinking any time it breaks through.
Now that the rational side is somewhat sorted, it’d be nice to address the irrational. Specifically, the feelings.
How To Move On By Paying Attention To Your Feelings
Feelings can be great and they can also suck. But at the end of the day, an ability to feel is what makes us human.
While shutting down negative thoughts is the right step of how to move on, allowing negative feelings to take over might actually do you good.
Let me explain. Most emotions, positive, negative, or neutral come in waves. They start with an initial trigger, progress upwards until they peak, and then wash away.
There are two things you can do during a storm: you can drown aggressively fighting the weather or you can give in and stay afloat. Feelings during breakup recovery can be approached in the same way.
You either try to block them, which will lead to an increase in pain. Or you can accept the fact that having feelings is just a part of the deal with being alive and go through them accordingly.
Recognize what you are feeling at the moment and allow yourself to simply process it. The waves of sadness, anger, and anxiety will pass eventually. Afterward, the shore of your soul will be sprinkled with calmness, peace, and wisdom.
It’s much easier to go through with unpleasant emotions once you accept them as normal. So, don’t be too hard on yourself and let the feelings run wild and help you move on.
Some feelings are harder to handle than others? Consider sharing.
Share What’s On Your Mind Throughout Breakup Recovery
Who said that you are to fight in this battle alone? Feel free to get help from friends, relatives, mental health professionals, and so on. Sharing what’s on your mind is tremendously therapeutic.
We already established that acknowledging your feelings is a huge part of how to move on from a breakup. And it’s also true that there is no harm in spilling the beans about what you discovered along the way.
Say it out loud: “I am hurt and I need to get comfort from someone who cares for me”. Hopefully, there is at least one person in your life who will sincerely want to listen and help with anything they can. If not — get in touch with me and let’s chat.
As you find the right words to voice your concerns, you automatically fast-forward through all the pain and regret. This is one of the ways to see the whole picture more clearly.
Plus, the power of support will be a whole other type of remedy. Yes, breakup recovery is never easy, but as long as you have someone by your side, you’ll be okay.
The next step on how to move on with this journey is also about care. Self-care.
How To Move On From Broken To Whole
It’s never a bad time to nurture your soul. But especially after a breakup, we need to make additional efforts to focus on staying balanced and kind to ourselves.
One of the popular ways of how to move on is re-organizing your life. From bringing order to a messy drawer to adopting a healthier lifestyle.
Try to outline the limits of your comfort zone and gently stretch them until they are either much wider or broken completely.
Plus, how can a mental detox such as breakup recovery not mix well with physical detox?
Attend to your mind and body equally: start a new workout program, experiment with your daily skincare routine, expand your gastronomical horizons by bringing new foods into your diet, and so on.
If you have never meditated before, this is a good time to start. Use guided meditation apps to get you started and master the skill of relaxing deeply and truly. This ability to feel ultimate comfort is going to be a great help in the future when you will have to face stress of any kind again.
Basically, your task is to take the leftovers of your love to an ex and pour them into the cup of self-admiration. There can never be too much self-love, as long as you approach it wisely.
And since we are talking about respecting and loving yourself, it also makes sense to discuss treating your favorite person (you) to new experiences.
Breakup Recovery Activities
You know what is both the greatest and the worst part of being in a relationship? Constant compromises.
Of course, there are things partners enjoy together. But the rest of the time is pretty much one person sitting through a movie they would’ve never considered watching or hanging out with people they don't like.
But now you are learning how to move on, which means you are free to do whatever you wish. Travel to an unfamiliar land, sign in for a dancing class, start a peculiar hobby such as soap carving or ghost hunting.
Or come back to what you used to enjoy before and your ex for some reason didn’t.
As you are creating new memories, they will eventually overpower the old ones with intensity and color. Looking back some years later, you will most probably not even remember the pain of that breakup, but you’ll recall a bunch of exciting moments you had trying to decorate a cake during a masterclass.
That’s a classic "take lemons from life and make margaritas" kind of situation. Get moving and have fun during your breakup recovery.
And as your soul grows bigger and better, feel free to give back a little to those who need it.
How To Move On To Generosity
You’ll notice throughout your breakup recovery journey that you are becoming a much better version of yourself. As mentioned before, abilities to accept your feelings and embrace calmness are practically superpowers.
So, why not become a full-on superhero and help out the ones in need? Look around: how can you help?
Maybe you have a friend who just went through a breakup, and they don’t know how to move on. Or maybe a local pound is in need of volunteers.
Teach an online language class, donate clothes, help your nephew with his homework: whatever it is, one good deed can go a long way.
Generosity is also an incredible healing tool. It starts by distracting you and teaching you empathy, which can be great for seeing your own troubles in a new light. Then you also exercise your kindness by giving back and automatically become more patient, more reliable, and more resistant to stress.
Spread the good energy by becoming better and helping others to feel better. Kindness can never backfire.
Welcome The New You
There is no universal recipe for how to move on from love. But hopefully, these breakup recovery tips are going to make it a little less challenging for you to get through separating from your partner.
Focus on being gentle to yourself and grow into a whole other person, ready for whatever life brings next. This is the new you, be nice to her.