There’s no two ways about it – we all want to be swept off our feet. It doesn’t matter how feminist or progressive or ‘Pro Equality’ we are (I mean, make no mistake, we all should be feminists). Sometimes we want to feel desired, wanted and that’s valid. There’s nothing wrong with that – not one iota.
Indeed, there are two golden rules with trying to woo a woman, beyond the carnal physical attraction that can’t be denied.
It’s you that you want her to fall for, not the idea of you.
Or what you think she wants. You need confidence to sweep her off her feet, and bags of it. That doesn’t happen if you are half the time having to perform being her partner. Or if you aren’t sure what ‘the ideal guy’ would do in a certain situation. There’s one exception to the ‘what would they do’ situation, though. If you find yourself asking ‘What would Colin Firth’s character do from Bridget Jones’ Diary’, then you’re on the right track.
In essence – if you’re thinking things along the lines of ‘I love you, just as you are’.
That’s basically the gold standard.
You can compliment a girl too, but be careful that you aren’t always talking about her physical appearance or her looks. Mix it up with her personality, and complimenting – but not tastelessly drawing attention to – things that she might be insecure about. Your goal is to woo her and be sexy, but also to be respectful, and make her feel safe and comfortable. This is not the time to give off creepy stalker vibes, even if you mean well.
We all get those moments in the romcom when the endearing nerd stereotype tries to talk to the Popular/Plastic generic male fantasy wish fulfilment self-insert here and you cringe with second hand embarrassment. And I mean, the proper stuff. Like, close your eyes-put a pillow in front of your head, ‘pause the film’ because it’s so agonising. Yes, we all are well familiar with cringe.
And no, none of us ever really learn how to talk to our crush.
Typically, we will always be fine talking charmingly and wittily to people we’re comfortable with. Or people that we have no vested interest in, whatsoever. Obviously, the laws of the universe means that they get our best material and smoothest (accidental) flirting. Because that’s the sort of justice system that we’re operating under. No I’m not bitter, how dare you (wink).
My point being, some of us could stand to learn a little more about some starting points to start up an interesting conversation with the person you have your sights set on. A conversation, that I must clarify, won’t leave us wanting a hole in the ground to swallow us up in.
Therefore, it’s worth going into dates with a couple of interesting questions to ask her in your back pocket.
However, don’t rehearse them or anything.
It makes it seem staged or like that’s your ‘tactic’. But equally, don’t go in there blind or without thinking about what you might say. Awkward silences last an age and they reveal both nerves, incompatibility, and a lack of common ground. Also! Smile! We love to know that you are emotionally available.
Another no-no, however, is interruptions. If you ask them a question, let them answer. Don’t use a first date as an excuse to talk about your latest and greatest accomplishment on the football field. You haven’t given us any reason to care yet, so why should we?
Another hint, don’t panic!
Don’t feel the need to ask them loads of questions and find about their hometown or parents’ first jobs – if it’s not relevant, don’t push it! Otherwise it sounds like an interrogation. The goal is to find things in common or things that interests you about each other, not to help them fill out their taxes. More still, this can feel like a waste of time if the conversation isn’t going anywhere in particular – and that’s really where you can sell yourself short.
Also, just be honest. With her, with yourself – about what you actually want out of the relationship.
There’s no two ways about it, if there’s no truth in a relationship, there is no relationship. Period.
Emotional honesty is difficult at the best of time, quite apart from when you’re trying to get someone to love you enduringly and unflinchingly. However, by definition, people can only love you ‘in spite of everything’ if you actually show them everything. Well, if not everything, then more of you.
In conclusion – love is out there for everyone.
Why not put yourself out there and get ready to meet the girl of your dreams. Just make sure that you show her the real you. Because the real you is pretty great.