Now, if there’s one thing that it doesn’t take a global pandemic to unify a collective consciousness, it’s that we all experience heartbreak.
You met a guy, and everything was great until you realized something. He’s playing hot and cold, and you know what to do. Yet, you need some reassurance.
Disappointment, Unmet ambition, Loss
These are all sensations that we’re familiar with today and the age of technology and social media. Constantly, these anxieties pull at our mental health and make us feel terrible.
These are the moments when we most need to be able to rely on our significant other. These are often the moments when we will find them lacking.
You may have guessed from my tone where this article is leading… This is because, if the person at the other end of your dinner table isn’t pulling his weight, or recognizing that he’s in a relationship – let him go.
It’s that simple
If he’s not ready, stop wasting time getting ready to settle with someone who will never formally commit! If you feel like walking on eggshells every time you broach the subject, stop pumping your time and energy casually dating.
Mr. Right might be waiting for you, willing to wait and be your life partner, but you haven’t met him yet! Don’t settle.
If the boundaries set in the relationship aren’t working, confide in a close friend, discuss how you think he might fear commitment, and if they agree, think about ending things.
Take care of yourself comes before any long term relationship. Move forward, don’t waste your time; your precious time with a lack of commitment.
If he’s running hot and cold, just run! He’s not a nice guy, value yourself something more than friends with benefits. Pursue a healthy relationship!
The wrong guys will never give you the real relationships: that’s the harsh relationship advice about a commitment issue. It doesn’t magically resolve itself.
If he isn’t changing his mind about getting married, you’ll only be broken-hearted if you stay together. Committed relationships that are afraid of devotion aren’t actually that committed.
And yes, it’s harsh, but so is emotional unavailability when you’re on the other end of it. People have to be taught that their actions have consequences.
Like all other grown-ups, people in committed relationships have stated boundaries. They know what the other person’s tells and hints are when they’re stressed or happy.
They know how to surprise them after a long day. Your partner should always be the person that can make you feel better in a way that no one else understands.
If that isn’t a part of your relationship, I would have a long look at it.
To keep the dynamic of ‘cook’ and ‘cleaner’ for the part of the relationship that he doesn’t consider his responsibility. He’s either so smug and arrogant that he thinks he’s above it, or he is totally ignorant of what is required of him.
I genuinely can’t decide which is worse
Furthermore, the guy who won’t commit will have likely shrugged off your tentative discussions about the future while playing a video game.
No matter how valiant your efforts are to impose some regime into his life, he will only act as if you’re his nagging mother.
… his nagging mother that he’s sleeping with?
And he says we have issues, the lazy so-and-so
But back to the matter at hand…
You’ve done all you can. You’ve dropped hints, you’ve eased into the conversation with talks of a trip before suggesting visiting his parents but he still got spooked.
You shouldn’t have to jump through all these hoops just to get the bare minimum out of a person who threatens to call you their favorite person! It’s just gaslighting, plain, and simple if you are made to feel that wanting intimacy in a relationship is unreasonable.
That’s on him, truly.
It does mean that you need to stop giving him second chances that he neither deserves nor even seems to think he needs to ask for.
This is a drain on your emotions and your ability to trust other people outside the toxic relationships. Before you know it, your mental health will be forever altered by a lazy guy who never knew the value of what was right in front of him.
That’s his loss, not your responsibility to correct.
You can’t fix a guy who won’t commit
It’s like the adage: it’s not me, it’s you. There are few things so poetic or enduringly neat, but that is one of them. It’s clichéd because it’s right!
All this to say that you need to detangle yourself from a leech who simultaneously feeds off your affection and expects mothering tendencies but never returns the favor.
It’s unacceptable and you’re better than this.
The worst thing is that this guy will attract another girl that just wants to whip him into shape. But the truth is that he will not be boyfriend material.
Certainly not in the long term, and whatever happens, you’re better off without him. mark my words: there is no sharper regret than wasted time and inaction.
At least this way you can make up for any wasted time with definitive action. You can reclaim your autonomy and your independence.
Such is your power, you don’t need men – you deserve a real man though.
One who will commit to you. Who will learn your needs and your comforts. A person who will respect you and your space and know you well enough to recognize when you need a little nudge in a different direction.
Hold out for the best
Don’t settle for a commitment-phobe that will never leave this town. He will drag you down with him.
You can’t fix him, but he can break you.
We all want that dream guy who can sweep us off our feet while still remaining grounded.