Some time ago, Halsey released a new song called “Graveyard”. Now, I know it sounds a bit dark if you judge it by its title. But, it mentions a very important topic of toxic relationships, or rather people that are toxic for you.
“Oh, it’s funny how
The warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies”
This is one of the lines from her songs. And I guess it speaks to many of us because we do get tricked by those butterflies.
We expect them. We want them. Especially when we meet someone new. If the butterflies are not there, we assume that the relationship is not good.
When in fact, lack of butterflies can be a perfect sign that you are safe with someone.
Butterflies are nervousness, anxiety, the lack of trust. That’s our primal flight or fight instinct.
So, why do we think it’s love?
An Emotionally Safe Relationship
When you are in an emotionally safe relationship, you feel relaxed with that person. It doesn’t have to mean that you are not excited to be with them – it just means that you are comfortable letting your guard down and being yourself.
Defensiveness is one of the key factors of a relationship where you’re not emotionally safe. You feel the need to defend yourself, to explain yourself and your actions. However, in an emotionally safe relationship, you don’t have to do this.
Even if sometimes you guys have a fight, you feel like your partner always has your best interests in mind, that they will treat you with kindness and respect. You also know that they are willing to hear you out and understand you.
True intimacy comes from that deeper feeling of togetherness. You are both self-aware and willing to be honest with each other.
Free To Be You And Me
One of the biggest signs that you are in an emotionally safe relationship is the fact that you are free to be yourself. Now, this is easy when you are alone, but it can be a bit harder to find someone you can feel that free with. Free but connected.
An emotionally safe relationship allows both partners to express their feelings and their true selves without fear of judgement, criticism or rejection. This becomes true intimacy.
This is the best part of a relationship, and how every relationship should be. You are two different people with different interests and dreams. You don’t have to become them or take on their interests. You can just be you.
They will still love you and respect you, even more so because you have a strong sense of self.
Telling the Truth
Bad relationships often have one or both people lying to each other. For some it might be a way of protection and for some it might be something else. But either way, lies are never good.
Truth always comes out in the end and it can be painful for both parties.
However, relationships where people feel emotionally safe are different. Both partners are always truthful and honest, making sure that all of the agreements they made are respected. You can’t trust someone if you think that they will not respect your agreements.
The basis of every healthy relationship is honesty and respect. If you see that one of these is lacking, you should think about how you really feel and where your relationship is going.
Emotional Safety in Relationships
The truth is that no one is perfect. We may not trust a person because of our previous wounds or some other issue. It can take time to build an emotionally safe relationship. But it takes two willing partners who are committed to doing just that.