'Everything great in life and business is born out of great communication. Sex is no different.' Cindy Gallop, founder of Make Love Not Porn.
When it comes to sex, a vast majority of people have the messed up idea that it's supposed to be perfect. Our partners are magically supposed to know what we want and how we want it. But, it doesn't always work like that. This isn't the Notebook or any other Hollywood movie where sex is perfect on the first try. In real life, sex isn't telepathic. If you want your partner to do something, you have to tell them.
But talking about sex can sometimes be odd and uncomfortable, even when talking to someone you love. So, if you're stuck in that awkward sex topic zone, how can you improve on effective sexual communication with your partner?
Benefits Of Effective Sexual Communication
For starters, effective communication during sex can have a number of profound benefits on your sex life. This includes;
When delving into the more kinky aspects of sex – like BDSM – sexual communication is extremely important as it allows both partners to understand the needs and limits of each other.
Builds a better bond
As awkward as it is, talking about sex is one of the keys to building a healthy relationship. It allows you and your partner to get a deeper understanding of each other's preferences and sexual fantasies as both parties are able to glimpse into what the other person desires.
I cannot underestimate the power of good communication in building a better sex life. By knowing what your partner wants, you are better equipped in helping them enjoy sex to the fullest, and vice-versa.
How Can You Improve Effective Sexual Communication with Your Partner
Here are a few tips to ensure your sex life is built on good and healthy sexual communication;
1. See A Sex Therapist
This is especially helpful if you haven't had sex in a while – maybe after having kids - or you're just not sure how to sit down and have a conversation about sex. A good sex therapist will not only help in making you feel more comfortable but ensure that you and your partner have a safe place to discuss and share your sexual experiences. It can also be a great way to learn more about sex education.
While it can sometimes be hard to pay attention to what your partner says, especially during sex, bedroom talk – or dirty talk – is one of the ways people express certain sexual desires when their inhibitions are down. And what a nice way to learn more about your partner without having awkward conversations about sex. So, next time you're in the throes of passion, try to listen to what the other person is saying.
3. Share Past Sexual Encounters
A great way to spark sexual conversations with your partner is by bringing up shared, past sexual experiences. Not only will it put you and your partner in the perfect mood to talk about sex, but it is also a great way to tell your partner what you liked and didn't like. Or what you'd like to try again.
For example, you can start with 'remember last night when you pushed me against the wall? It was good but...' and use this to delve deeper into your various sexual desires.
4. Give (Casual and Loving) Advice
Another word for this is constructive criticism. You don't need to go into a long monologue of what you didn't like right after you finish having sex. You can start with a compliment. Talk about what you enjoyed then say, 'instead of this, maybe we could try this...'
5. Sit Down And Talk
As crazy as it sounds, sometimes all you really need to do is sit down and have a nice, long conversation. Yes, talking about sex can be awkward, especially when discussing kinks you're insecure about. But it pays to have a healthy relationship with your partner. And, it'll all play out well in the end with you enjoying a better, more fulfilled sex life.