Why Is My love Life like a Taylor Swift song: what am I doing wrong?
I know that can sound like the sort of sorry-for-your-self spiel that comes with being in a rut, but I promise there is a happy ending to this story. Trust me.
Whether or not it’s become impossible to let a person you love go, even though they’re bad for you, or maybe someone cheated or you just simply aren’t happy anymore. It’s difficult and it may feel safer to stay but, but you have to do something.
It’s the harsh reality of life – sometimes you have to Do Stuff.
There’s something about missing another person that’s just soul-crushing. There’s no two ways about it and I’m not going to sit here on my hardwood chair and declare otherwise.
It can be friends, work pals, family, lovers, living or dead, nearby or far away. We’ve all been there, and it doesn’t get easier from person. And we shouldn’t feel like failures or pathetic for still having attachments to people that were, at one point or another, our Person. Our favourite ‘got to tell them what just happened to me’ person. The ‘I’ve got to catch this train to go to the store and get them flowers’ person. The ‘god I love you’ person.
Oh yes, that one.
The one that we really should have known better than to fall for. It’s always the people we shouldn’t have fallen for that hurt the most when they leave because it means you were right. But we can’t help it. Love is all about those moments when you’re minding your own business and then you realise your heart has gone on a romp about in someone else’s bag. And there it goes! Nothing you or I can do about that. No sir.
I’m not going to pretend that life is always going to be sunshine and daisies, dear readers. The simple fact of the matter is that sometimes life sucks, and it sucks hard. I’m not sure that there is an emotional experience more frustrating, heart-wrenching, guilt-tripping, or generally horrible than unrequited love. If you remember feeling like Rosaline in Romeo and Juliet – the brief object of his whims only to be side-lined for the flashier, younger model – then you’re in the right place. It is so hard to find value and validation in who you are as a person without the reciprocal feedback from another person.
Indeed, if your feelings of worthiness stem from the emotional support of another person, as so often it does, that person is, for better or worse, responsible for your state of mind and sense of self.
This isn’t fair on anyone…
And don’t we know it as we angst and stress about the lack of emotional reciprocation we’re receiving, all the while lamenting that it’s not necessarily even their fault. That’s always the kicker, that the people causing such emotional distress and pain aren’t actually aware they’re doing it.
All the more reason to let them go!
Desiring romance is not weak or ‘anti-feminist’ – It shouldn’t need to be said, but it does. I’m going to say it again louder for those of you that didn’t hear it at the back: whatever your political agenda or goals, no way of life or worldview should invalidate your need to be loved. We’re fighting for equality for all, not isolation and island-mentality.
It’s okay to want to feel loved, but you need to be alone too, sometimes.
I’ll say it again – the right guy is out there for you. I promise.
If it doesn’t feel right, or you aren’t comfortable, or something changes in your relationship, go with the flow. Don’t force things that aren’t working out, or that put you in a difficult position. It’s fine to acknowledge that things change. You might have changed, they might have – the terms of the relationship might have altered, or you might have realise that you don’t want what you thought you did out of a relationship. That’s all fine and perfectly valid, but you have to communicate this. You owe it to each other, and most importantly, to yourself to have clarity.
Emotions are difficult at the best of times, but they aren’t impossible unless you give up on them.