Ending a relationship can be incredibly difficult, as we all know. It is not uncommon to be left with lingering doubts, anger, and fear, which can be hard to overcome. Despite this, it is vital to learn how to find closure on your own, in order to move forward after a breakup. Don't count on your former partner to provide answers or a fitting farewell. Here are ten strategies you can use to close this chapter of your life and move forward.
1. Know That You Don't Need Your Ex To Give It To You
Many individuals believe that closure can only be achieved through communication with their former partner. They assume that it is something that their ex can provide for them. However, in reality, closure cannot be given by anyone else, it is something that you have to actively choose to create for yourself. It is a personal journey that is separate from your ex and ultimately, only you hold the power to find what you are looking for.
2. Let The Grieving Process Unravel On Its Own
Terminating a relationship can be emotionally taxing, particularly if it was a close or prolonged one. It's essential to allow yourself to experience all of your emotions without being critical or trying to suppress them. You may go through the five stages of grief or some other unpredictable pattern of emotions. This is normal. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling and know that there is an end to this process.
3. Take Responsibility For Yourself
A relationship requires mutual effort to be successful, and usually, both parties contribute to its failure. Unless your ex has committed an extreme betrayal such as infidelity, likely, you have also made mistakes and played a role in the end of the relationship. To find closure, it is important to take responsibility for your actions and reflect on them, so that you can learn from your mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future.
4. Go Totally Cold Turkey With Contact
One of the most effective ways to achieve closure is by deciding to cut off all contact with your ex. In the aftermath of a breakup, it can be tempting to find reasons to reach out to them, but if you want to close that chapter of your life, it is important to avoid them completely. Delete their contact information and don't respond if they initiate contact. This may be difficult in the short term, but in the long run, it will be better for you.
5. Stop Creeping On Their Social Media
One of the most challenging and subtle ways to impede your own ability to find closure is by continuing to check your ex's social media accounts. While trying to move on, stalking their online presence will only cause more harm than good. You will only end up creating scenarios in your head, feeling longing or anger. It's best to completely stop visiting their social media accounts and let it go immediately.
6. Get Rid Of Any Remnants Of Them You Have Left
You might still have some of your ex's possessions, like clothing or personal items, and you might convince yourself that you're keeping them because they are comfortable or sentimental. However, holding onto these items is a way of holding onto your ex. It's best to get rid of everything, and if you find it difficult to do so, ask a friend for help. An alternative option is to have a friend return them to your ex, which will also help you maintain distance.
7. Pour Out Your Feelings In A Written Letter But Don't Send It
You may have a lot of feelings that you want to convey to your ex or express to the world. A helpful way to process these emotions is by writing them down. Imagine that you're going to send a letter and put all your thoughts, feelings, regrets, and worries in it. Write everything that you need to say. But, no matter what, do not send the letter. Once you've written it, you can choose to do something symbolically significant, like burning or burying it, to signify the end of that chapter of your life.
8. Stop Blaming Yourself Or The Other Person
Even though the relationship has ended, it can be easy to keep revisiting past events in your mind. When you find yourself assigning blame, whether it's directed at yourself or your ex, it's not helping you find closure and it's not productive. Try your best to let go of the blame by redirecting your thoughts when it arises or shifting your perspective.
9. Work Towards Forgiving Yourself And/or Your Ex
If you are harboring feelings of blame and resentment, it is likely preventing you from finding peace and closure. Forgiveness can be hard, but it is necessary in order to achieve closure. Keep in mind that forgiveness does not mean that you are condoning what has happened, but rather that you are choosing to let it go for your own emotional well-being.
10. Accept That You May Never Get An Apology From Your Ex
Your ex may have done something hurtful such as infidelity or mistreatment during the relationship. While this is unfortunate, it doesn't have to define you. You can become trapped in your ex's power if you are waiting for an apology. Instead, you can practice acceptance, understanding that there's a good chance you may never receive an apology from your ex.
11. Make New Memories Where You Shared Old Ones
You likely have places that you used to go on dates with your ex that you now avoid because they hold memories of your relationship. To create your own closure, you can create new memories in these places. It won't happen overnight, but you can start by saying yes to opportunities to revisit these places with friends, family, or colleagues. While there may always be remnants of your ex in these places, you can slowly start to overwrite these memories with new experiences.
12. Talk To A Professional, If Needed
If you're having difficulty moving on from your relationship and/or your ex, it may be beneficial to seek professional therapy. A therapist can provide you with a non-judgmental space to express your feelings and offer unbiased feedback, which can be exactly what you need to gain perspective and take the steps to move forward and be open to love again.
13. Make A Plan For The Future
Having something to look forward to can be very beneficial. To achieve closure, it's important to have something to look forward to. Consider what you desire in love and in life in general, and create a plan to attain it. Setting goals and working towards achieving them can greatly aid in your healing process. Finding closure may be challenging, but with time and effort, the future looks bright.
