While I’ll be focusing on how to get your ex-boyfriend to talk to you when he’s giving you the silent treatment, it’s pretty much a gender-neutral story.
And you’ll see why, as we go through various things you can do, to let him know you care.
Now, it’s essential to know that there’s a thin line between wanting someone to talk to and becoming a desperate, stalkerish, Lifetime movie character. No means no, and the best you can do is to give it your best shot. But, respect his boundaries.
That being said, let’s see what you can do to bring your guy back, and perhaps you will get your happily ever after. Or, after a while, you’ll both realize that a breakup was the right decision, after all.
Does silence make an ex miss you?
While you’re getting the silent treatment, it may not be the worst idea to give him space. After all, he is your ex-boyfriend, and by not calling him obsessively, you’re not saying, “I don’t care.” Instead, you are showing signs of maturity.
However, as time goes by, it may turn into a permanent breakup, and we don’t want that. Sending a message or an email after the cooling-off period is what you should do.
How do you know when the time’s right to call him? You’ll know, because instead of wanting to make him talk, you start missing him, needing him, and remembering all the little things that made your relationship good.
Every healthy relationship has its ups and downs, so breaking up, or being on a pause, can make you stronger.
But, what to say to when you’re getting the silent treatment?
First, think about the things you’ve done, what’s your part in the breakup.
Either your now ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriends, because the same rules apply) are trying to torture you, or you really hurt their feelings.
Did you cheat? Made your ex look like a fool? Lie? Take responsibility. Perhaps you neglected him or his opinions and feelings, and it’s time to deal with it.
Let it out in the open, first with yourself, and then in an email, via text, or letter, whatever seems most appropriate to you.
Be honest, but also try to be reasonable. Let your guy know that you are willing to admit your mistakes and that you believe in your relationship.
Please don’t rush into writing a letter, as you have better chances of putting your feelings into words once you’re over the first shock of a breakup.
Remember, he’s having a hard time as well
You’re not the only one crying or having little emotional breakdowns every five minutes.
Emphasize that you want to resolve things. While it’s not your fault that he decides to give you the silent treatment, you do have a responsibility to apologize if you’ve done something wrong.
If you can’t get to him, ask his friends, nicely, calmly, to check on him. You can merely say that you want to know how he’s doing.
Let’s be honest here: silent treatment is childish, even if you broke up. It’s not like you killed his puppy. And it’s not part of any loving relationship, even once it’s over. But, your boyfriend needs to prove something, and it’s better than him saying a lot of breakup phrases, from: “we can still be friends” to endless and useless hookups.
Why is your ex using the silent treatment?
As stated, he is most likely proving something, but it can be more to it.
People can give you this infamous treatment to gain control over you or inflict pain.
Often, couples don’t know how to communicate, so they play this silly yet dangerous game. Some guys think you’re not giving them enough, while a smaller portion of men are afraid of their temper.
Of course, the most common reason for the silence is attention. This is what brings us to our next attempt to get your ex-boyfriend to talk!
Despite knowing which type of silent treatment your ex uses, the most significant relationship issue might be if he’s prone to avoid talking.
Think about it: every little fight and he becomes numb. It’s not precisely mental and emotional abuse, but it may feel like it from time to time. Until you get fed up.
Gift of giving
You called like a billion times, sent emails, and nothing. Before you leave the poor guy alone, let’s try some romance.
Now, remember that if you messed up, he might see your behavior as passive-aggressive. Or he feels the unhealthy need to inflict pain because he’s hurting.
But let’s just say that your breakup was a series of misunderstandings. So, what would a guy do? Send flowers. What can a girl do? Well, the same, or even better, send him a book, or a funny mug, something cute and sweet.
What would you like to get if the situation was reversed? Nothing expensive or pathetic, just something which says, “I know I messed up, but I do think we can make it.”
You can literally use that line and have it printed on a pillowcase. If you’re in a loving, healthy relationship, this should really do the trick!
Accept the situation, and focus on yourself
Don’t unfollow him on Instagram or do anything stupid. Better yet, stay away from social media. You have nothing to prove because if he sees you as desperate, he’ll not stop his silent treatment anytime soon.
Let’s go back to the beginning. You know that giving your ex space means no contact, right? No spying, stalking, nothing that resembles an unhealthy relationship.
Perhaps he needs time to rethink his emotions, life in general, not just your relationship. Despite his passive-aggressive ways, maybe he truly needs some time. And he was stupid enough not to vocalize it, because he’s a guy.
Instead of always wondering what he is doing, do something for yourself. Start some workouts, use plenty of free language apps, and keep in touch with your friends.
Do something for yourself, because with or without your ex-boyfriend, you need to put yourself first.
At some point, you might ask yourself not just, “Why is he giving me the silent treatment” but also, is he really worth your tears? Move forward, and he may or may not follow, but at least you’ll be doing something for yourself.
Remember that patience saves relationships
What most ex-girlfriends have in common, and you can ask any guy, is the lack of patience and trust.
Getting the silent treatment is torture, but it’s his choice for the time being. This may be exceptionally hard if you live together, but if you believe that he’s the one, wait.
Don’t ignore him, or pretend as if you don’t care; just wait. Show him that you’re above insulting him and trying to inflict pain. You are here for your ex, and he should know that, but you won’t attempt to interfere with his current emotional state.
Instead of asking, “What do you do when your ex gives you the silent treatment,” do nothing. Wait until he’s able to talk.
With time, you’ll start noticing whether you still feel as if you’re that couple worth fighting for.
Cold shoulder feels like emotional abuse
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…
In case you’re the one giving the silent treatment, you do need to rethink your actions. You refuse to talk, and that’s your right, but explain your behavior.
Stand by your words; your relationship deserves at least that.
Otherwise, you’re both stuck in this bubble of negative emotions. If you need some time, you should say it loud and clear, and the ex has to respect that.
If she doesn’t, then no wonder, she’s an ex…
And again, this goes both ways; all genders look equally bad when they give their partners a hard time over something manageable.
It happens to the best of us, but don’t use this method of not communicating to express your anger or sadness. It looks like you’re throwing a tantrum!