I know how it is when you’re gazing adoringly at your crush from across the lunch hall in high school. When they walk in on a day when you’re just minding your own business and they’re so mind numbingly attractive and perfect that you just can no longer even. For a good few minutes. Your mouth probably embarrassingly dropped open.

But that’s fine, it happens to the best of us. 

We all get those moments in the romcom when the endearing nerd stereotype tries to talk to the Popular/Plastic generic male fantasy wish fulfilment self-insert here and you cringe with second hand embarrassment. And I mean, the proper stuff. Like, close your eyes-put a pillow in front of your head, ‘pause the film’ because it’s so agonising. Yes, we all are well familiar with cringe. And no, none of us ever really learn how to talk to our crush.

Typically, we will always be fine talking charmingly and wittily to people we’re comfortable with. Or people that we have no vested interest in, whatsoever. Obviously, the laws of the universe means that they get our best material and smoothest (accidental) flirting. Because that’s the sort of justice system that we’re operating under. No I’m not bitter, how dare you (wink). 

My point being, some of us could stand to learn a little more about some starting points to start up an interesting conversation with the person you have your sights set on. A conversation, that I must clarify, won’t leave us wanting a hole in the ground to swallow us up in.

Well, I’m going to give you both.

It’s your lucky day, guys – I’m about to tell how you to get your girl. And girls – this can only be good news for us too. Gone are the days where it’s appropriate for you to just send a drunken message at 3 am asking ‘U up’. You don’t even include the question mark! It’s 2019, guys, let’s punctuate our messages appropriately!!!

Okay, grammar lesson over – time for the love lesson…

The first rule of love? Brace yourself now, I’m about to blow your mind.

Be yourself. 

I know, I know. It’s pure cheese, but if it couldn’t embroidered on your grandma’s tasteful throw pillow, is it really love advice? Answer: no. 

Then, make sure you guys establish common interests. Swap books that you love, or recommend or buy a new book that you think they will love. Leave it on their nightstand and don’t make a huge deal out of it. This shows you making an effort and wanting to share hobbies. You can tell so much about a person by their bookshelf – maybe even suggest going in together on a bookshelf! 

A casual touch here and there doesn’t go amiss either.

Read the signals and if she’s into you, she will often go in for a thigh touch or on your shoulders. Feel free to reciprocate with a hand on her wait or let your hands linger as you pass her a drink. Always stand up when she does and offer her her coat when you’re leaving somewhere. Or, better yet – offer her your coat! That’s always the dream. It demonstrates your willingness to keep her cosy even at the expense of your own warmth and comfort, in this small way.

It’s these affectionate gestures that are rooted in what she needs and you anticipating what she wants without her always having to pester you for it. You should want to do these things for her, so that the relationship is equal and based on a balanced understanding of each other and what you want out of the relationship.

Another hint, don’t panic!

Don’t feel the need to ask them loads of questions and find about their hometown or parents’ first jobs – if it’s not relevant, don’t push it! Otherwise it sounds like an interrogation. The goal is to find things in common or things that interests you about each other, not to help them fill out their taxes. More still, this can feel like a waste of time if the conversation isn’t going anywhere in particular – and that’s really where you can sell yourself short.

If you’re still looking for a couple more tips – think about your outfit and whether that supports the personality that you are presenting to your crush. If you are a chill person, don’t confuse that by wearing suits to the pub. Equally, if you are expressing a mature outlook, you can do better than trackies and messy hair. 

When in doubt: compliment them!

Treat them the way you would love to be treated… With respect (and a healthy dollop of desire, lol)