How To Get Through The Uncertainty Stage Of Dating
Published in Sep 2020 / Updated in Aug 2021
Did you know that dating has 5 different stages? But for now, we will focus on the turbulent uncertainty stage, which seems to drive some people so crazy.
Just for the record, the other stages are attraction, exclusivity, intimacy, and commitment. Uncertainty is the second stage of dating.
For those wondering if it is normal to feel uncertain at the beginning of a relationship, the answer is yes, it’s normal.
The problem with relationship uncertainties is that they put the future of the relationship to the question.
After the attraction stage, things start getting serious. At this point, you start asking yourself whether the relationship you will have will go the distance.
That’s when uncertainty sets in because you are not sure if the future you envision having with this person will come to be. Maybe you want to be exclusive with this person. But you are not sure if they want the same thing.
It could also be that your love interest is interested in seeing other people. And you obviously don’t want to seem too serious too fast by suggesting exclusivity.
During the uncertainty phase, you ask yourself lots of questions. For instance, do you see other people? Or do you wait for this person to show you if they are serious about dating only you?
This is the kind of uncertainty we are talking about, and it can drive you mad if you have already fallen madly in love with this person.
But even then, you are probably also not sure if this person is right for you on some level. After all, marriage is a long-term commitment that has to be taken seriously.
So here are some tips to help you get through the uncertainty phase in your relationship.
1. Understand That Uncertainty In Dating Is A Good Thing
The best time to have uncertainties is during the dating phase. The last thing you want is having to deal with uncertainty in marriage. It would be far too late.
So, don’t think of the uncertainty stage as a time to suffer needlessly. Think of it as an important time in your relationship when you determine whether you found the right person to spend the rest of your life with.
During this stage in your relationship, you understand the person you are really dating and not the perfect image you have of them in your mind.
For instance, you finally realize that they don’t check up on you as often. Or that they don’t handle their emotions as well as you imagined they would.
As you can see, these are not things you should learn about your partner when you are already living together.
During this uncertainty stage, you will also know if the person really loves you or just wants to possess you. Those are two entirely different things.
If you are the one who is uncertain about your partner, you can check out other prospects and see if your heart is truly set on this person. In other words, this is a good time to confirm if this is the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with.
One of the worst things you can do is find your ideal mate after marrying the person you believed was the love of your life.
2. Uncertainty In Dating Is The Ultimate Test Of Character
The uncertainty stage is a good test of character. It tells what kind of person you are dealing with.
At this point, the woman can be said to be too easy if she gives in to the urge to give up too much because she is not getting as much attention as she did when the relationship began.
Similarly, the woman can be seen as either too clingy or sufficiently self-confident. That would depend on whether she can handle the reduced contact without thinking she has lost the man to another woman.
For the man, the test comes from realizing that there is greater benefit in holding on than letting go. The man also determines that this girl is the best thing that could ever happen to her and that no better prospects await him out there.
Without getting a chance to ponder these questions, both of you can end up realizing you made terrible mistakes when it’s already too late to back off without leaving lasting damage.
Broadly speaking, both partners face the realities about each other and not the perfect images they have about each other during the uncertainty stage. That comes through doubts, questions, insecurities, and other things that define the uncertainty stage in dating.
3. Without The Uncertainty Stage, The Possibility Of Getting Into Many Relationships Is Very Real
The uncertainty stage separates the attraction phase of the relationship from the more serious exclusivity stage of the relationship. People who get exclusive without sorting through these important issues can discover they were not meant to be too little too late.
The relationship would obviously fail, and both would have to start all over again. Repeating this cycle, again and again, results in people having serial relationships.
That is why we say people moved too fast because they skipped the uncertainty stage. This phase is supposed to tell them if they should go on or call it quits before it’s too late.
Once people become exclusive, that becomes a relationship. But when they pull the plug at an uncertainty age, it would be an attraction that did not go anywhere.
Uncertainty is definitely bumpy. But it’s a step that needs to be embraced. Without it, you are likely to make serious relationship mistakes that people often regret all their lives.
As uncomfortable as the uncertainty stage is, it is the point at which the couple determines if a relationship is in the cards for them.
4. The Uncertainty Stage Is “The Reality” Phase
The infatuation phase is very deceptive. During this stage of dating, you might think you are dealing with an angel among humans.
But the reality about them hits you during the uncertainty phase. At this point, you decide if you like the real person or not.
That is why some people call this the end of the honeymoon phase. You see flaws and make reconsiderations about some dreams and aspirations you had about the person.
If you can get past the flaws you see in this person at this point, then having a relationship becomes a possibility.
The brain stops rewarding you with feel-good hormones whenever you see or think of this person. You start seeing them for who they really are.
It becomes apparent that the person is not who you imagined they were, and if that image is still good enough, you move on with the relationship.
Otherwise, it’s usually time to move on with your life.
Uncertainty may define unpredictability. But its occurrence in a relationship is very predictable. Understand that just because you are uncertain about the person, it does not mean they are not right for you.
This is mostly a trial period whereby you ask yourself important questions about your future with this person to avoid making grave relationship mistakes. Uncertainty hits both men and women, and after this stage, both can move on with the relationship with more confidence.
The man decides if the relationship is worth pursuing, while the woman decides if the guy is relationship material.